Moment of truth

Y'all. I need to vent I'll be 23 years old in Aug. and things are FINALLY starting to click. I've been sexually active since i was 14years old i was also sexually Manipulated by a grown man who was 24 while i was still in my early teens.

My WHOLE life I've been sleeping with men for free (not that I should receive money) but no type of commitment, no type of loyalty or care nothing, they all pretended and i was dumb enough to believe words. I've slept with 24 men and I don't even know how to make 10 meals!! I opened my legs to men and got no benefits from it, NONE at all. And that's what hurts the most. Get where I'm going? I just wanted to be "loved, attention, company, etc) i was so genuine pure intentions they seen it as "fun" and I expected more every time i wanted it to become more. Im not a hoe or someone sex slave. Sometimes i even felt obligated. Im just disgusted with myself.

Im not making any excuses I should've definitely held myself to a higher standard!! At this age 23 is now the time for me to actually start to branch out and date etc but no i dont even know who the hell i am cause alll my time and focus was on men. Wanting a relationship and wanting to be loved how I envisioned. I feel like a little ass girl and no one takes me serious!

Im not going to beat myself up but i will find a way to turn my pain into purpose

How the hell will love find me after all this mess how the heck would i even know what it looks like.