Is this normal?

Question

So i’ve been through a lot in my life, everything was traumatic especially the relationships i’ve been in.
Lately I noticed that whenever a guy texts me, i get nervous, angry, afraid. I realized that i’m afraid of boys even tho i don’t wanna have sex! 
Is it normal to be afraid of boys/relationships? 
Please i need help

Answer

Some people can have fear of commitment. Maybe you should seek counseling to deal with your past trauma so that you are able to let it go and move past it. I strongly recommend doing it for free at woman’s shelter or if you have woman’s space for abused women. That is their specialty. Churches also do it for free. I’ve been in your shoes. My father died when I was 4, 8 years old sexually abused the first time, and later by several times by different people during my childhood. By 12 I was an alcoholic, I had rage issues. I cut and burned myself, had every eating disorder. Rape. Abused, cheated on and used by every man all my life. Stripped by 16. My mom had a father figure that I got attached to and they split by 16. I went from man to man to man. Trying to fill a void. Looking for love in all the wrong places. My rock bottom was a gang member that beat the crap out of me for 6 months. At that point was never happier to be cheated on. Became a dominatrix to get over that. Regained control, confidence and self esteem as odd as it sounds. It was something  I needed to do. I took time to heal and worked on myself inside and out at a few times in my life. By 30 I finally fell in love. He cheated of course. By 34 again. Stayed with him 5 years, 2 miscarriages, gained 100 pounds between pregnancy and eating out every night, he used guilt and manipulation to get what he wanted. He was bipolar and I felt bad for him. I was emotionally attached due to miscarriages. Used me to clean up all his messes. While I was out working he was entertaining women. Slept with over 250 women in the 5 years that we were together. That ended in December 2017. Took time to heal inside and out again. Lost 95 pounds. And this time I healed big time. I forgave myself for the choices and decisions that I had made. I forgave those that hurt me, not to their face, but to myself, not because they deserve it, but because I deserved peace within and they were no longer going to be the reason for my unhappiness or steal my happiness again. I let that shit go. Even though it happened, I will be ok. They were not going to sabotage my future relationships, or me develop trust issues or insecurities and doubts or commitment issues etc. they don’t get to win, I do. I was no longer a victim, I was victorious, a warrior and survivor. It’s all how you look at things. I missed jackass every day. The more I walked, the further I got away from him in my mind, even though I didn’t go anywhere physically. I walked at home in my kitchen anywhere from 1-13 miles a day. I kept myself busy. The first time at 32 I read books non stop. I learned to channel my feelings differently years ago from journaling or screaming into a pillow or yoga or exercise or daily affirmations, repeating it’s not worth it over and over again etc. life is what you make it, if you aren’t happy, you change what you can and what you can’t change, you learn to love, accept and embrace yourself flaws and all. Being in a relationship or the number on the scale or the size of your pants etc doesn’t complete you or define you or your happiness, you do. A man doesn’t complete you, you complete yourself. When you truly heal and become a whole person again you will be open to opportunities. Choose yourself, choose happiness. Never settle for less than you deserve because you don’t want to be alone. Never tolerate bs. You deserve better always remember that. Take time to heal. Read books, spend time with friends and family, get a job, educate yourself, walk dogs or babysit they will comfort you, volunteer, read to the blind or children in a hospital, or habitat for humanity, feed the homeless at a soup kitchen etc. Sometimes you just need a change of prospective and not focus on yourself but on others instead. Take time to heal. Date yourself, pamper yourself, love yourself. There isn’t anything that I have not been through and I left stuff out. Which is why I can relate to so many people on here, because I’ve been through it myself. Take it one day at a time and give yourself some grace and not be so hard on yourself, that’s all you can do.

Answer

I mean, it isn't "normal" to be afraid of this, as a guy texting a girl is an average normal thing. However, considering your trauma, I'd say it's normal to feel this way after everything you've been through girl. Maybe seek therapy if you haven't already ❤

Is this normal?

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