Would you forgive your family for standing up your 4 year old at her FAMILY birthday party? *please read*

My 4 year old isn’t in school yet (she goes next year) and her little cousins and extended family all live out of state. Her immediate family, which I grew up with and so did she, is my Grandma, Uncle, Aunt, my Dad (and my husband and myself). For about 2 months she was talking about how excited she was for her birthday, as it was a paw patrol theme (got her a huge cake, decorations, let her pick her restaurant). To sum it up, they asked me what time to be there at the restaurant so wed have time for dinner and cake, opening presents. I texted back “Be there at 6”. Somehow this results in my Aunt (uncles girlfriend) calling my grandma saying how “demanding” my text was and how I expect everyone to revolve around me? They all ended up agreeing and talking crap about me and how I “expect too much and don’t run their lives”. Day of her birthday, no one even tells me theyre not coming. They tell my Dad (my daughters grandpa). So her whole birthday she was wondering where her uncle, aunt and grandma were. My dad, husband and I still made sure she had a good time.

Then christmas, they all stood us up again and once again we spent it alone with my Dad. My Grandma and I got into an argument because my daughter had a cold, and I didn’t take her to the doctor (no fever, no excess vomiting, she was eating and drinking water). She then accused me of trying to make my daughter DIE because I didn’t take her to her doctor (called nurse line and they told me to keep her home). We got into an argument as I asked how dare she ever accuse me of trying to kill my kid? She then called my uncle and aunt to tell them I upset her and they all bailed for Christmas. (Once again, daughter was asking where everyone was as weve all NEVER not spent Christmas together since I was born).

Now, Fourth of July everyone nails AGAIN except my dad after we all spent $300+ on a grill, meat, drinks. That morning my Grandma called me to discuss Christmas and why we’re not close anymore, I told her she says a lot of horrible things that aren’t normal to say to family. She then screams at me that I’m not normal, how horrible I am. She calls my uncle and aunt again and they once again don’t tell me they’re not coming, they just dont show up. Our daughter hasn’t seen any of them in months and was excited to see them all for the fourth, only for once again my dad to show and my daughter to be confused.

Theyre now telling me IM the problem and I need to forget this “ancient history”. Acting like its not a big deal that literally stood up my kid for her birthday and all talk about me when I’m part of the family. I told my grandma and uncle I’m done with them both. But I still miss them as I grew up with them. Advice?