I just need to vent.

So, my husband and I have been TTC for three years and we FINALLY got a BFP a few weeks ago. We were both so elated. We just thanked God for finally giving us the child we’ve prayed for for YEARS. Then, at five weeks we lost the baby.

I’m really struggling because my sister in law (who is not in a relationship, still lives at home with her parents, is unemployed, and has consistently said she never wants kids) announced her pregnancy on Christmas Day 2019, now literally 3 days into my miscarriage she is having her baby and it’s just breaking me. She will be bringing home her daughter tonight, and I never will.

I don’t point out all those things about her to say she won’t be a good mama, because I know she will be. I just feel like screaming because we are ready!!! We have been ready for years!!! And we finally get our precious miracle and it is taken from us. But there’s people like my sister in law who aren’t ready and DONT WANT to have children that have no issue getting pregnant and staying pregnant.

I’m just honestly so angry and I don’t know when I will ever be over it.

Now my husband wants me to go to his parents house to clean up before his sister’s baby gets here.... WHILE IM LITERALLY STILL BLEEDING FROM THE MISCARRIAGE. Am I an ass for telling him I’d rather not? He got angry with me, but it really hurt me that he even asked if I’d like to go organize baby clothes for his sister while I’m actively miscarrying.

I hope someone understands my insane emotions. 🤦🏼‍♀️ I don’t understand what I’m going through sometimes, but I think venting like this helps occasionally. Even if most of it doesn’t make any sense to anyone else. I really hope this overwhelming pain, sadness, and anger leaves one day.

If you’ve gotten this far, thanks for listening!