mentally hard to masturbate

i’ve been having a lot of trouble masturbating recently when it comes to the mental part. i get turned on and start but recently i’m remembering somethings from a year ago from being with a guy who made me feel so bad about myself and my body. i start crying during or after i finish (and half the time it’s not even worth the effort) because i just feel so discussed with myself. i thought i was getting better for a while but it’s so hard to get over. i just want this to stop