Exhausted and I don’t know what to do.

I feel ashamed to say this, but I want to be really real and express my feelings because I have no one else to talk to.

My husband and I tried for our baby for 3 years. Yes, we wanted at least one kid together. And I struggled with infertility, until it finally happened.

I just gave birth 13 days ago, on August 30, 2020. It wasn’t a bad birth experience and I don’t have much to talk about there. But what I do want to talk about is how I’m finding it very hard being a first time mother.

She’s 13 days old today. It was rough the first week. She literally wouldn’t go to sleep until 3-4 am and would sleep most of the day. It got better the second week and she would only wake up 2-3 times in the night and I’d feed her, change her diaper, and burp her and then she would go back to sleep.

Today has been different. She slept for about 3 hours and we woke her up around 1:25 pm to feed her. She’s been up for nearly 4 hours now, and she’s never done that before. I’m scared that if she falls asleep closer to our set bedtime (being 9-10 pm) then she will stay up through the night.

Look, I’m having a hard time adjusting to being a first time mom. I’m not going to deny it. I won’t lie when I say I don’t love this newborn stage. Hell, I know it’s probably gonna be tough and not so easy until she’s about 5-6 years old (or that’s what most people have been telling me anyway). She’s only 13 days old but I’m aggravated with her. Now, I love my daughter. I bond with her. I don’t have PPD. Baby blues, probably. But I need to vent about how much this shit sucks right now. My life has been flipped completely and I can’t just do whatever I want when I want now. And I knew that. I’m just tired and exhausted from raising a fresh newborn. I want things to get better.

When will things start getting better? I’m assuming newborns don’t have a routine and this is why it’s hard right now. And yes, I’m trying to establish a routine but she changes up on me so much. Idk what to think. And when I read plenty of things online, I get conflicting answers so I don’t know what to believe.

Idk, I just wanted to vent. I always wanted two kids, but I am seriously reconsidering that idea now, cause I’m not too fond of doing this all over again.