Husband issues

We have 2 under 2 and I feel like I carry the weight alone. He will help if I ask twice, but will never just get up and do something on his own. When we go out to see family for example, he will strip himself of all of his responsibilities and just hang out like a normal guy with no kids or responsibility.

If we see my family, he feels he’s already doing me a favor by being there and I should take care of our kids alone; if we are with his family, he feels like he never gets to see them so he should be able to spend uninterrupted time with them and I should take care of our kids alone.

My sister invited us to lunch on her rooftop today (just us, my sister, and my parents), our newborn wanted to be held just as lunch was ready so I offered to hold her while he ate, then we could switch off. While I held my daughter, I helped our toddler eat. After my husband was done eating I went to pass our newborn but he refused to hold her saying his hands were dirty. I don’t think anyone else was paying attention, so just like that I wasn’t able to eat at all.

I know it seems small, but we’ve been parents for almost 2 years together, and I have felt like this from the beginning. It feels like he doesn’t care about me, and he married me just because he felt it was a necessary part of life and not because he loved me specifically enough to want to spend his life together.

Sometimes I want to leave but i feel like being unhappy may not be enough reason to break up our family.

If you’ve read this far, thank you!