Different Walks of Life...

I have a feeling I will be eviscerated for this post but here it goes:

I have never been “ghetto” or “hood.” My partner, on the other hand, and his roommate, both proudly identify as “ghetto.” It’s never really bothered me until now.

While on a call with me, they both sang a song with the n word in it multiple times. The roommate has openly admitted to being “mildly racist,” but my partner was a definite shock. There was also some questionable jokes being thrown around that were clearly racial in origin against two kinds of people: it’s not just the song.

Now, I’m a biracial person. I’m actually more Native and African American than white but I’m extremely white passing. The n word (both variations) makes me extremely uncomfortable....and my boyfriend knows that those words do. I especially don’t like that as white men, they feel comfortable throwing that word around.

So far, my concerns are being dismissed because apparently saying the n word is normal where they are from. I’m trying to respect the difference in whatever you want to call it (culture, class, perspective, etc.) but listening to this stuff happen (which is not often but still too frequent) is making me really upset/uncomfortable. Normally, my boyfriend is extremely sweet and sensitive, so I am kind of reeling at this revelation.

Anyone else who might have experienced something similar or this: how do you cope with it? Should it be considered a deal breaker? Am I being too much of a snobby b word about it?