Baby boy first birthday

My boy is going to be 1 this month.

I had an extremely hard and traumatic birth and i left a really toxic for me and the baby relationship.

I was forced to do a lot of things during the pregnancy and after the birth and didnt have the chance to connect with my baby as much as i wanted.

Its really hitting me up how i nearly died during the birth and what i went through and it might sound selfish but i think that his birthday should be a day for both of us to replay the moment of his birth (when people were trying to take him from my arms while i was unable to protect myself) in a positive way.

A day for us to celebrate him coming to this world and erase the memories of his actual birth.

Is there a good way to do that?

Something special we can do together? Something to be as a new beginning of our happy life together?

He is going to have a family party with a baby friend but i want to do something special for the two of us that will help me forget the trauma from the birth and act as a new beginning for us two

Any ideas are welcome :))