Yes I have posted this before but I deleted it

Hi. I had an abortion when I was 20 years old. I knew it was the right thing for me but doesn’t mean it doesn’t still bother me to this day. I ended up with anxiety, depression and OCD after everything. I had seen a therapist and it did help for a little but I feel like I’m going backwards now. I know how crazy this sounds but I’m paranoid because sometimes before my period I’ll stick a finger up there just to check and see if any blood is there yet. I always make sure to wash my hands before I do it and dry them. But sometimes he towel that is sitting there is pretty damp from other people using it and I’m afraid if somebody else used it what if it had something on it. Even though I got my period last month I still took a test and this is what it looked like. I see a gray line but it makes me paranoid because there are times where I don’t wash my hands and I’m like omg what if I touched something. Someone please talk me off the ledge. I feel crazy. ☹️