How to love my wife after child birth

Hi ladies,

I am a man seeking advice from a woman’s perspective please. I’m going to be really honest and hopefully I can get some useful feedback, rather than being attacked on here.

I have been with my partner for 5 years and we have two children. We won’t have anymore. Our youngest is 16 months and still breastfeeding.

I’m a good father and a supportive partner and I do my fair share around the house, financially, emotionally and I support the kids.

But...... I’m trying to be as honest as possible here. I am struggling to reconcile the idea of her being a mother and my lover if I am being honest. She doesn’t turn me on anymore. I know that sounds horrible to say but that’s the truth and I don’t mean that in a horrible way.

I see her breast leaking milk all the time due to the breast feeding and while I accept that is natural, that doesn’t turn me on. I feel I am in competition with our baby when it comes to the breasts and it’s not helpful.

I can’t imagine what it’s like to be constantly being needed by a 16 months old and how exhausting it can be to not have enough sleep etc. I know it’s hard. But she’s let herself go a little bit. I really believe there are things she could do to help?

For example simple things like maybe wearing some nice pjs, maybe shower before bed, cutting her toenails etc. I haven’t told her anything but she can tell as we haven’t had sex in a while.

Am I being horrible?

What can I do? What can she do?

I know have entered the lion’s den here but I’m ready for any feedback.

Any advice welcome.