Possible trigger warning: my husband told me he wants to kill himself.

Last night me and my husband had a fight. I don’t think the details or anything are really relevant so I’m not going to get into it. But basically I do have an attitude sometimes and it makes him like REALLY angry. Like he gets verbally abusive (and he never apologizes or sees anything wrong with the things he says). Well last night while we were arguing my husband said “I want to die” so I asked why and he yelled “because of YOU.” That really hurt. I don’t know what I ever did to make him feel that way. I’ve kind of known that he’s had suicidal thoughts but he won’t get help. He is in the military and doesn’t want it to affect his career.

Well a little after the fight we tried talking which turned into more arguing. But he basically said something along the lines of if he stays in this relationship he’s going to kill himself and the only reason he hasn’t yet is because he doesn’t want to do that to our daughter.

I’m not sure what to do. I told him I want to help him but I don’t know how. I don’t really know how to approach this or what to do or how to talk to him about it.

Some more info: I have seen this man hold a gun to his head more times than I want to admit. In fact, two weeks ago we had a fight and he did it and I actually thought he shot himself (I def heard a gunshot) and I called 911. A ton of cops showed up and it was a whole thing and I lied for him because I’m stupid.

I really don’t know what to do. I know he needs professional help, but he is not willing to seek it and I can’t force him. Any advice. I know I should be looking for real help for him and not just asking for the advice of random strangers on an app. But like I said, he’s in the military and he doesn’t want it to affect his career and I just kind of need other opinions.

Please be kind in your responses. This is already tearing me apart.

Edit to add: I don’t want to do anything to damage his career. I know that’s so stupid but I have now other way to provide for our family. Also, I have nobody to stay with because I don’t have family or friends here.