TRIGGER WARNING: Abortion

Please don’t read this post if you are anti-choice or are triggered by abortion or those with differing emotions on pregnancy.

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I just found out yesterday that I am 5 weeks 5 days pregnant. I was on the pill, and have been with my boyfriend since June.

When I saw the positive result I felt NOTHING and still feel very indifferent. The doctor yesterday told me congratulations and it was a super awkward moment. I have never actively wanted children but am not necessarily opposed, I just feel zero emotions either way about it.

Although I’m pro-choice, I personally have a hard time envisioning myself having an abortion. I prioritize my independence and I travel 4-6 months out of the year but I don’t see why having a baby would limit those things too much, I know quite a few expats who also have babies.

I’m 30yrs old, financially stable, and emotionally mature enough to handle whichever option I decide but I just want to hear from others who are or have been in similar situations.

I have a lot of past sexual trauma that makes it very difficult for me to experience a “normal” range of emotions and it worries me that I’m not feeling anything about what could be a life-changing decision. I also worry that having a baby could trigger my depression, anxiety, and PTSD and I wouldn’t be a good mom. Are these reasons enough to have an abortion and maybe wait until I’ve healed more and am in a better place mentally to have a baby?

Not sure if any of this even makes sense but I felt this was a safe place to get these things off my chest!