Periods after abortion

Hi guys. This might be a trigger topic for some so fair warning will be talking about abortion etc. I got pregnant in March to a random boy in my class at college. He has no idea. I found out mid-lockdown that I was 2 months pregnant and it took me a month to find the courage to tell my mom so she’d support me and take me to the clinic. In the end, my morning sickness was so bad (24/7) that she worked it out for herself. I was heartbroken when I found out I was pregnant. I’ve always wanted kids and been very broody so to make the decision to terminate the pregnancy has completely broken my heart, even though I knew I wasn’t ready to be a mom. The abortion was hard. Quick and rushed because of COVID-19, and really painful. It didn’t last long but I spent months in heartbreak and guilt afterwards which hasn’t completely gone yet. I’d never felt so alone in my life.

Anyway, it’s now November and I’m a month off my would be due date. I can’t help myself but count down to the date in my head. I don’t know, but a small part of me hopes the abortion was unsuccessful. I frequently dream about the kid I could be having. What’s more, is my cycle is totally bizarre since the (pill) abortion. I’ve got back on to a regular cycle, but the bleeding is crazy. I won’t bleed for hours and then suddenly get such a huge gush it will bleed to rough my tampon, pad and through my clothes, all the way down my leg and on to the floor at my ankle. I’ve never bled like this before. Every time I get scared that I’m haemorrhaging but then it stops and I’m fine. I’ve tried to speak to my doctor but they’re not open to non-emergencies in lockdown.

Has anyone else who’s had an abortion experienced this? Heavy and sudden bleeding when you had normal bleeding before? Also about the other stuff, the feeling of being heartbroken. Do you feel the same and does it go away?

Thank you for reading and hope everyone is safe and happy ❤️❤️