Trigger warning: mentions of eating disorder

I am an 18 year old first time mom, I am 38 weeks pregnant and will be expecting my son any day.

Since before I was pregnant, I struggled heavily with severe depression, anxiety, PTSD, and an eating disorder. I was actively restricting and relapsing before I found out I was pregnant in March 2020. It has been very hard to see my body change the way it has, despite how excited I have been to be pregnant with my son. It doesn’t help that everyone keeps commenting on how much weight I’ve put on (70 lbs so far to be exact), and telling me that It’s just more I’ll have to lose after he gets here.

I feel I am getting back into the headspace where I’m going to relapse again after having him. Every day I am thinking about getting my body back so I can start losing this weight and go back to how I looked before. My visions of my body are changing from appreciating and admiring the hard work it is doing to grow my son, to visions of how big I’ve gotten and fears of what will happen after he is born.

I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about this, I don’t want them to worry or think these thoughts will mean I’m going to be an unfit mom.

Before and during my pregnancy:

(Sorry for the face Idfk ☝️)