Let me vent !!

I’m a stay at home mom , and I’m just going crazy I have a 2 year old who has been EXTRA clingy lately and really acting up about everything. Yes I do try to show her more attention because I also have a 1 month old so when I’m not feeding , changing , or burping the youngest I try an spend that other time with my toddler so she doesn’t feel jealous or anything of that sort. So anyways sometimes I look at my fiancé an I wish I had it that simple. Ofc he does stress over bills and money however when he comes home he gets to check out he can have time all to himself an do whatever he wants , he doesn’t get bugged 24/7 he can go to the bathroom in peace he can shower an take as long as he wants without worrying about a thing everything is done for him. Me on the other hand I’ll

Be lucky if I get to shower that day. I never go to the bathroom alone an basically you know the deal with being a mom an having young kids no need to explain that any further. But now I have to start work an honestly I’m just stressing a lot. Because once I work it isn’t like I can come home an relax or anything I have to worry about dinner , I have to take care of the kids also means waking up every few hrs with the baby I still have to be a parent and I love my kids ofc they are my everything but I feel like I’m going crazy an I’m so tired of asking for a bit of help an I don’t ever get anything. When my fiancé’s tries to give me that “alone time” he can’t handle two kids on his own or something because he’s still bugging me to help him with something so it isn’t like I really get a break at all. I just need time to myself even if it’s 30 mins 😭 I’m losing my mind honestly an i feel like a prisoner. Even more so because I don’t have a car to even go to the store now I have to rely on whenever my fiancé feels like it. I can’t stand relying on anybody before we got together I was independent with a job , car, my own money everything I never needed to ask for anything or wait on anybody to go somewhere. Now everything is the opposite an idk wtf to do seriously I’m really really going crazy in this house. An I bite my tongue so much what’s the point doesn’t get anywhere when I try an talk to my fiancé about anything. Idk I feel like this feeling isn’t gonna go away an I feel extremely bad because I know everything is getting to me because sometimes I get frustrated with my toddler because she’s being too much an I yell an then I feel bad because it isn’t her fault she’s being a healthy toddler an I’m just letting my feelings get the best of me an then I cry an hug her an say sorry for yelling an idk I’m a mess a serious fucken mess. I don’t have anyone to watch my kids either so I can’t be like “hey mom can you watch the kids while I go take a drive “ unfortunately both me an my fiancé do not have anyone in our lives like that. An I know I chose to have kids an etc .. ya I might’ve chosen to have kids but it doesn’t mean I don’t deserve a break every now an then I don’t even know who I am I’ve gotten that lost with myself. I don’t have a mind of my own and I feel like a robot or more like I’m Drowning an screaming for help underwater.