Ectopic pregnancy after 2 years of secondary infertility
“Grieving is like having broken ribs. On the outside you look fine, but with every breath, it hurts.” ~Unknown
Normally, I can’t stand celebrity stories. They have so much, why are they wanting our pity? Everybody is hurting. Nobody cares about their private lives.
But... I get it now.
I get it, Chrissy Teigen.
I get it, Meghan Markle.
A month deep into my own nightmare, I get it. I am now breathing with my own “broken rib”.
After almost two years of being asked what every woman struggling with infertility dreads: “When are you going to make your son a big brother?”, Don’t you want another baby?”, and “Don’t wait too long, you don’t want a big age gap.” We got our wish: in October, we finally became pregnant again.
We got our miracle.
We began planning, choosing names, preparing Our 3 year old on how to be a good big brother...
However.
It was a short-lived blessing. So short.
As with Chrissy, Meghan, and so many more mothers-to-be, I lost our baby.
It wasn’t fair. Why did we have to wait so long for our miracle for it to end like this?
The worst part of all this hasn’t been just the loss, it’s been the fact that it wasn’t a quick event. I’m going on my fourth week of this tragedy and it’s still not over. For me, it wasn’t like in the movies.
What I thought would be a single event has turned into over a month filled with more than a dozen blood tests, multiple doctor visits, and two hospital visits (including 3 hours in the ER on Thanksgiving). All of which, no family members have been able to attend. Thanks Covid.
I don’t mean to say that my current story is worse than anybody else’s out there. And I definitely don’t mean to scare future moms with statistics. What is happening to me is not common.
But I’m still thankful for everything I have.
I’m still grateful that I have been blessed with marrying my best friend and having our amazing son.
I’m still happy for those lucky enough to be blessed with multiple children.
I’m still cheering for those lucky women who are sharing their pregnancy news on social media and in person. They deserve their happiness too.
But I know that it has been helpful for me reading about other women’s stories about their own loss and how they coped. So I’m hoping my story will help someone else as well.
If nothing else, it will lift a heavy weight off of my heart and hopefully help to change the stigma around pregnancy loss.
It is not our fault. We are not broken.
“Healing begins the moment you stop pretending you aren’t hurt”
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