How do I tell my MIL this?

Question

So my MIL just mentioned to us that she would like to come stay with us for a MONTH after the baby is born. She lives 8hrs away. We do get along but I don’t think I can do a whole month with her plus being a new mom. 
My mom is not around so I won’t be getting her help. 
I think it’s nice my MIL is proposing this but I honestly can’t have her around for a month. I’ll go crazy! She’s already being very pushy with how I should be eating and the name of our child and telling me how she can take care of the baby. 
This is my first child and i’ve been through a lot to get here. So I’d like to do things my way and learn as I go as any new mom would without being told what to do. 
I would love her help with the house of course but only for a week or two max. 
How can I say that to her without hurting her feelings?

Answer

My MIL, who I don’t get along with, said the same thing. I told her “no” firmly, multiple times and that was the end of that. I’m sure she’ll keep offering her “help”. It’ll be the same answer. If she gets pushy beyond that, I tell her my husband and I are fully capable parents and want to get us and our child on the routine we’ll be on for the entire infant stage. We then say she is welcome to come visit for a few days, and give her a time frame after the baby is born that is feasible.

Answer

trust me- tell her no. you need to care for you in those first few weeks, not worry about her. if she wants to be there for a month, she should get a vacation rental. otherwise maybe an extended weekend after the baby’s a few weeks old

Answer

This is a conversation that your husband should have since it’s his mother. Agree on an amount of time that you are both comfortable with and make sure that he sticks to it when she tries to convince him to extend. If he’s able to take any paternity leave, I’d suggest taking that time with just you two and baby. Have her out when he goes back to work, that time is overwhelming and the help will be welcome for a week or so.

Answer

Nope, set those boundaries now. My MIL and I get along decently well but when she stayed for 2.5 weeks after my first was born I lost it. Way too long, especially considering hormones and all the changes. I’d say you appreciate it, but it would be a bigger help if it was a week or two (you decide how long, not her). I made tons of freezer meals to help after baby too when I didn’t feel like cooking.

Answer

That’s so ballsy??? Like I can’t imagine! Obviously when you have a baby you need time to adjust as a family. She should understand that. Tell her you want time to adjust with your child and husband. Get settled and she can stay in a hotel if she wants to stay that long. That’s annoying. And it’s not her say what your babies name is

Answer

My MIL told me for years before 8 had my first that since she was to be a grandmother that meant she got to stay with us after we had a baby. Everytime she mentioned it I'd say no but that she was welcome to visit & stay in a hotel when the time came. (Having her stay with us is out of the question...both my husband & I would go crazy after 24 hours). Luckily she eventually got the hint before we had our first & only came for a day. 
I'd just tell your MIL that you appreciate the offer but that you and your husband want to handle those early days on your own so you can bond with baby. Let her know after you guys get comfortable & settled into your new life/routine you'd be happy to have her visit for a week (or however long you are willing to have her stay).

Answer

Just tell her no. You want time with you baby& husband. Once you get better maybe she could go help😊

Answer

I would say maybe wait a couple of weeks after baby is born and then see if she could just stay a week or two

Answer

I didn’t want anyone staying with us that’s time with your hubby and baby you will never get back and I didn’t want someone else here for it. Maybe tell her you guys think it’s would be better she stays your first week back to work or a month in once the adrenaline wears off and you are tired and want the help. Don’t worry about her feelings this is a time for you to be comfortable or your mil.

How do I tell my MIL this?

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