Are my friends right?

So long story short, my husband recently left me for another man. We were together for nearly 10 years and I am currently pregnant (we’ve suffered 3 miscarriages and a stillbirth). We’ve been together through a lot and I always saw him as my best friend, the person I could trust the most and the person who loved me more than anyone else possibly could. Finding out my husband is gay was earth shattering for me.

One morning we were having breakfast and he told me he needed to talk to me about something important. He told me that he’d known he was gay since he was 16 (we met at 20), but because he cared about me he hadn’t wanted to tell me. Well, we moved states last year for his job, bringing him closer to his family and childhood friends. I’ve been rather cut off from my close friends and family, but my husbands friends had initially been really great about welcoming me. I guess he met this guy a few months after we moved and decided not stop lying to me and start a new life with this other man.

I am so angry. Angry he lied to me, kept trying to a have a baby with me, convinced me to leave a job I loved (and cannot go back to, at least until I finish out my current contract and even then my position has been filled and due to a non-compete clause from my last job I can’t work in in the area for 2 more years) and to leave my family and friends all to just dump me. I feel so incredibly alone and utterly devastated. If I do carry this child to term, my husband has suggested (not sure he meant what he said to sound like it did, but it’s how I’ve taken it and I do know that he would want to be close to his child) that he’d fight to keep me from taking the baby back home. I don’t really want to think about that possibility, but I have. Right now all I want to do is run home to my family. I feel so betrayed and alone.

I brought up my feelings to some friends and concerns about not being able to go home. Well I was attacked. They all think I should be happy my husband has figured himself out (apparently him knowing he was gay years ago wasn’t him figuring this out- and that was BEFORE I walked down an aisle and vowed to be with him, love him, etc until death do us part). I was told I was being selfish and had no right to be angry with him. I guess I should’ve expected this as most of these people grew up with my husband and have only recently met me. But, they had invited me out to talk and make sure I was doing ok.

I talked to a friend back home as well and they were more supportive, but still seemed to think I didn’t need to be angry and hurt. The only people who seem to be on my side and find what happened horrifying are my family, and being family it’s sort of expected of them. So now I’m feeling like I’m wrong to be hurt and angry. I just feel like if my husband was leaving me for another woman, everyone would be standing up for me I’d be the jilted pregnant wife and he’d be the lying, cheating husband (yes he did physically and emotionally cheat on me and he admitted this). But, because he’s come out as gay, he’s getting a free pass for hurting me and turning my life upside down. I can partially understand why he did what he did, but considering his family are supportive of their kids no matter what (his sister is transgender and started her transition just before we got engaged actually) and he works in a profession that isn’t typically a male dominated profession and he’s always gone to school with and worked with people who don’t fit the societal norms, I just don’t see why he felt he had to lie to me for 10 years. I’m so hurt and angry. I feel trapped here, in a place that I’m hardly used to (COVID hasn’t made moving easy) and everyone is applauding my husbands courage to come out. I’m just broken and starting to feel like maybe I am the bad guy.