My husband and I are struggling

My husband and I are struggling right now with the pademic, being in lock down and the cold winter. Everyday is like Groundhog Day. He’s smoked for year and I’ve always hated it and now I’ve started vaping to get me through the stress of 2020 but now I’m still doing it. It’s become a nasty habit and we both want to quit. Our daughter is 15 mo and we both feel tremendous pressure to do better for her. We feel like bad parents and that we’re setting a terrible example for her. My dad is dying and I’ve had to help my mom and siblings with taking care of him. The stress of it all is weighing heavy on me and my family.

Lately I find myself picking on my husband all the time and even in front of other people. He doesn’t ever clean enough, refill the toilet paper, he forgets to bring her supplies to daycare, etc. little things that just add up. I always feel like I’m doing more than him even though we try to keep it even. He makes dinner every night, I do all the laundry and cleaning. I drop her off every morning and he picks her up every night. He stays up late playing video games with his friends because that’s the only way he can talk to them during this pandemic. I read, talk to my friends on the phone or scroll through instagram. He hates his job and I did too until I just got a new one and I love it. I’m excited and happy when I’m working and he’s not. I feel bad for him and we both know he needs to find a new gig. He admitted he feels jealous sometimes because he sees how happy I am at work and wants that for himself.

We just got in a big fight about it all and he says he’s always the bad guy and everything he does isn’t enough for me. He wants to be a better person but he can’t and he just shuts down. He doesn’t know what to say because he has no excuse for any of it he says. Am I being to hard on him? Am I projecting a lot of my own insecurities onto him? I don’t want to fight, I love him so much. I just want him to want to quit band be better like I want to and do the little things around the house I always seem like I’m doing.