Would you let your LOs dads fiancé do an exchange?

Question

My LO is 17 months and we are progressing our custody schedule which makes his weekend start on Friday which he works about an hour from us, and would be responsible to pick up our son. He is suggesting his fiancé picking our son up. I don’t really feel comfortable with this. She seems like a decent caregiver but I have no idea if she has a valid drivers license, if she has a driving record, etc. I also think it drives my point home of seeing no point in adding more time when he doesn’t actually have the time to care for our son, his fiancé does it all. Or is this something I just need to let go of and allow the benefit of not driving 1.5hrs more than I need to (round trip) just for the sake of the point/making sure our son is as safe as possible and with a parent. Thoughts? Help a mama out. Open to constructive criticism. This is new territory.

Answer

Honestly if it’s his fiancé, your son will be around her a lot, that’s going to be his step mom. In my opinion, I’d just try to get used to it and allow her to pick him up. No judgment if you chose not to, I see your point as well.

Answer

I wouldn’t. They aren’t married and it’s not her kid.

Answer

Chances are he's already been in the car with her driving. Maybe you all need to sit down like adults and get to know each other so your more comfortable with her

Answer

Of course lol they're going to be married and that house is a family unit already. Whatever works for them 🤷
My oldests dad's girlfriend pretty much does all the exchanges. I'm not sending him over for him to spend time with his dad anymore, its about being apart of that family unit that my ex has created over there. They may not be married but she is his maternal figure over there and their son is his brother.
Just like how my partner is his fatherly figure over here, and we have our family dynamic. 
Step-parents are parents too. Can't ask them to treat the child like their own if they have no say or aren't allowed to do anything.

Answer

I remember when my husbands ex-wife would pull that shit 🙄 it only distressed my stepson. It’s not your business what her driving history or anything of that nature. As soon as it’s your husbands time, it doesn’t matter who you exchange with. As long as he has told you who is getting the child and you have their information, you don’t have a legal option BUT to let her. Again, we went through this and won. It’s sounds like you’re being super petty. Yes, let her take the child 🙄 And it’s terrible that you are really trying to not give him more time because of this. Jfc.

Answer

I think you should try to get to know her, she's obviously going to be in your child's life, so in order to make you feel more comfortable you should try to set up some time for you two to get to know eachother. I wouldn't be comfortable giving my child to someone I don't really know either.

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I would never be able to. You LO is only 17 months, it would be really hard for me to hand over my child to someone I don’t know well, or without a doubt trust will keep my child safe. If dad can’t do it, then dads gonnA have to figure out a better schedule that works so he can.

Answer

I am a step mom, have been since my (step) daughter was 4. I love her like my own, I’ve always been very involved and she’s sees me as her second mother. I’ve never done pick up. Never would. Not my place. I do often have her just her and I while my husband works, not my business to be involved in my husbands and his exes CO. Unless it was on the CO or in our agreement or an absolute emergency, it’s a hard no from me. It’s best to keep that between you and him only.

Answer

As a step mom myself, I say yes. I cannot for the life of me figure out why moms push away people that love their kids. Lol let her be involved. She’s going to be his step mom!! Let her love your baby while you aren’t with them!! I hope to god my sons dad meets someone to love him like I love my step son. I would love her too. 
I’ve always been told no, I’m not his parent. So no, I don’t do pick up or drop off cause she refuses. But I spend more time with my step son when we have him than my husband does 🤷🏻‍♀️ like why can’t I love your kid?? I don’t get it. To each their own! 
I think if your ex trusts her with his kid, you should too.

Answer

I will say yes because that is his visitation and you can’t really dictate how that time is spent. Unless you have a court order that specifically says he’s the only person allowed to pick him up, you should let his fiancée do it. I don’t think he would allow someone to go on a long drive with his small child if they have driving issues. My husband’s ex just recently started refusing to allow me to pick their kid up for scheduled visitation because “it’s HIS time and he needs to be there the whole time”. According to his attorney, that’s gonna be really bad for her next time they have court because the court order specifically says that I can handle transportation and like I said earlier, one parent cannot dictate what happens during the other parent’s visitation. Maybe you could tell him that you want to meet her first and make sure they have a good car seat, etc. If you two have a court ordered schedule and you don’t allow his fiancé to get their child, it could be seen as you refusing visitation and will just cause more issues with court and co-parenting. Unless of course you’re willing to pick up and drop off the little one at their house, but that seems unnecessary

Would you let your LOs dads fiancé do an exchange?

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