I think I'm suffering

For years now, my ex and I had tried talking terms. Sometimes we do more than talk. But we never had a long continuous friendship because I'd end it after hearing his excuses about not wanting back a relationship....because I was going away, because he doesn't do long distance, blah blah.

Only recently we got into a long distance that lasted about 2 months. We tried long distance after he tried it with someone else for one month in the past. It ended up not working for us cause he wants to live life and not want to have children now after experiencing what he thought was his child with another girl.

It just sucks that what he said that he still cares for me still lingers in my head. Kinda like a set up for if we see each other again thinks might work out but I know it's not true. I know he doesn't love me cause if he did things would've worked out and he'd show effort.

I'm left frustrated cause now I don't want to see him again. Then he comes back and tries ways to talk to me and all the feelings return and the words I miss you comes out from me. Then an opportunity comes by causing one of us to leave and then things don't work. After catching up, it's usually him who been having sex with other girls. I just want to forget about him forever.

Also, I have gifts he had given me from time to time and I really don't know what to do with them. They trigger me.