Am I being unreasonable?

Question

EDIT: okay so I guess everyone thinks I am being unreasonable. I guess I am. I just want him to show that he is bothered by all this I suppose. He doesn’t act like it’s a bother to him at all. And yeah we would be stuck if he lost his job so I get the pressure. I think I’m just overwhelmed. My mental health is shit but as someone commented I guess I just put my big girl pants on and get on with it.
So this might be a bit long winded so I do apologise but I need to know if I’m in the wrong because it’s causing so many arguments...
Me and my husband live in the uk with our 2 year old girl. My husband had to go to work in Canada for almost 2 months at the end of last year and now he has been told he is going again. He just isn’t sure when or for how long. Could be anytime after the next three weeks and up to three months. We are also TTC #2 I suffer really badly with anxiety so I struggle to be on my own. I also work full time 12 hour shifts.
Am I being out of order by complaining about this and thinking he should be more firm about negotiating how long he goes away for? Especially as this was never part of the job he signed up for? It’s just that due to COVID there isn’t much work here and they have been able to get a contract in Canada so are sending him. He’s worried he will lose his job if he doesn’t go as so many people have been made redundant. It’s just putting so much stress on me and I don’t understand why he isn’t trying to shorten the time he goes for. He just doesn’t seem bothered about leaving us whereas I am worried sick about it. What happens if I get pregnant or have another miscarriage when he’s gone? I’m so worried and he just doesn’t seem to give a shit

Answer

Can y’all risk losing that job? Sometimes you have to weigh the options.  My husband is in the military and got sent to the border as I turned 32 weeks pregnant with no end in sight. I was anxious. I had a toddler too. But we couldn’t negotiate that. It was his job. Without his job we’d be homeless,

Answer

If you need the money as a family from the job and him finding a new job isnt an option then yes, you are being unfair to him. Maybe put ttc on hold until hes no longer at risk of being sent outside of the country and that will help eliminate some of the stress on both of you.

Answer

I say yes. I feel like you’re not taking his feelings into consideration as much as you are your own in this situation. This post mostly talks about your situation, your wants, your feelings, etc. but you barely mention his. 
If jobs are scarce in your area and he’s already stressed out, I don’t think it’s fair for you to add on top of it. It doesn’t sound ideal for him either

Answer

He’s probably more worried about not being able to provide for his family right now. Did you tell him how you feel? Sorry you are going through this

Answer

What happens if there isn’t an option about how long he’s away? Can you survive without that income? It’s not fun being the parent at home, it’s not fun being the one away from family for work. If having him gone doesn’t work for the family, he should look for a different job. It’s also just the reality right now that a job is a job and it might not be ideal, but employment is better than not being employed. Best of luck figuring it out.

Answer

I see your edit that you want him to show he's bothered by it.  I'd tread  lightly and be careful of how you phrase or pose that question to him.  He may not be bothered by it. He may welcome the temporary change and to do something outside of his normal scope of work. You being bothered by it doesn't mean he has to be. Don't take that to mean he doesn't care about you or wants to get away from you if you don't get the answer you want.

Answer

Yes you are being unreasonable. Not my job/not the job I signed up for is an excuse I hear daily even in non pandemic times and I despise it.  Sacrifices and compromises need to be made unless you're willing to risk your husband becoming redundant.  I understand it's frustrating not knowing the length of time he'd be gone but complaining isn't going to get him anywhere especially is he's not at a level where he has a say or a part in the negotiation of the terms of the contact.  Flexibility is the key here.  If your decisions are guaranteed X amount months or work or potentially lose a job it seems pretty clear what the decision should be.  Stop trying to TTC for now.

Answer

I hear you, thisnis a tough situation....but you have to remember that all things arent equal right now. Everything's a mess and the availability of good jobs are scarce at the moment.
He really does NOT have the option to be drawing ANY lines in the sand at the moment. There are tons of starving people standing behind him that would take his place and ask NO questions and make NO demands. Employers know that.
Adjust for the times. You have to for the time being.

Answer

I’m sorry but put your big girl britches on love. I’m sure this is stressing him out too... what is he going to tell the company? My wife has anxiety I need you all to cut my time away down? They won’t care unfortunately... it sucks I know. Are you on medication, I know you’re ttc baby #2 but can you take CBD while he’s away?

Answer

It sounds like he’s doing it to keep his job. It’d be much more stressful without the job.

Am I being unreasonable?

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