Am I just being selfish?

Question

My husband and I have been struggling with infertility for almost 5 years and I had a miscarriage a few years ago. 
Mother's day has been hard for me through all this, especially since my miscarriage. So on mother's day, I always just stay home and keep to myself. I don't even want to acknowledge the day, so I don't even text my mom. The day after mothers day, I go over to her house and drop off a gift though. 
The only person who knows about our infertility is one of my friends. My mom and I aren't super close, but probably close enough that I should at least text her on mother's day. 
I feel bad and like I'm being so selfish, but at the same time, I need to protect myself. 
Am I being ridiculous? Or is what I'm feeling/doing, valid?

Answer

I think you are being selfish.  How would you feel if you one day have a child and your child did that to you?

Answer

How you decide to cope with your loss is up to you, but I would encourage you to maybe see a therapist to help in your healing. Its been a few years and It’s not exactly fair to continue to penalize your own mom. Your loss wasn’t her fault.

Answer

Yeah, maybe you need therapy. That is pretty selfish and seems like you can't move on in a healthy way.

Answer

Hurt people hurt people. Your feelings are valid, but not an excuse for your behavior. It maybe time for you to open up to someone (a support group, a therapist, your doctor) about your feelings regarding your infertility and get the help and support you deserved and seemingly need. Your mother is completely separate from your journey to becoming a mother and it’s selfish to bring her into it.

Answer

I’m not sure how not sending a simple text to ur mom helps u feel better🤔 celebrating your mom and the unfortunate miscarriage are two separate things so I personally would try not to take it out on my mom because she had no control or anything to do with the loss for that matter. 
but if ur mom isn’t upset over it then I wouldn’t overthink it🤷‍♀️

Answer

Your feelings are valid, yes. But it’s rude to ignore your own mother on Mother’s Day. Imagine if your child ignored you on Mother’s Day for no reason at all, this holiday that you’re working so hard to be a part of. I’d either send her a simple text on Mother’s Day to say you love her or let her know what’s going on. If I was in her shoes I’d probably be a lot more understanding if there was at least an explanation for why I was being ignored on Mother’s Day.

Answer

Have you told your mom about why you are not communicating with her on mothers day? It is pretty selfish to just ghost her. I get being upset due to your own struggles, but you really should be open about why you are shutting her out.

Answer

I don’t think you’re being selfish. You have been through a lot of trauma and it is hard to process/coke to terms with. I would encourage you to seek help and try to have a conversation with your mom. She may be super understanding. I can’t imagine what you are going through ❤️

Answer

I understand the hurt you are feeling. I went through the same thing after my first miscarriage. Mother's day was hard, but my husband and I chose to celebrate it. The way we saw it was sperm met egg, our baby may have passed, but we were still parents. Everyone deals with loss differently, but I wouldn't avoid celebrating my own mother because I lost my little one. I'd say at least call/text your mom. Someday she won't be here to call/text. I would hate for you to look back and regret the Mother's Days you missed with her.

Answer

I can understand. I had a missed miscarriage in July. However, I’m just going to focus on spending the day with my mom. I did go to counseling after my loss and I suggest you do the same. It will help you.

Am I just being selfish?

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