sexless relationship

since 2019 (so 2 years now going onto 3) my boyfriend and I of almost 6 years on&off have had a sexless relationship. its not completely sexless but since then, we’ve been having sex like 3-4 times a YEAR. we used to be very intimate and couldn’t keep our hands off of each other.

every time i try to be intimate, i get denied. “i’m too tired”, “i smell bad”, “i need to shower”, “i’m not in the mood”, “i already know what sex with you is like”, etc.

part of me believes it’s because i deny him anal. we used to do anal ALL the time but after numerous problems in my relationship, i just haven’t been inclined to give it up. all he asks for is anal and never vaginal, and when i say no to anal, he either shuts down completely or pushes himself to have vaginal with me. i think he likes it more bc he has gay tendencies— a year or two ago, i found very detailed sketches of a male’s balls and asshole in his sketchbook. i was very distraught bc i have been open about my sexuality (i’m bi) since the very beginning. when i confronted him, he told me they were just drawings and didn’t mean anything.

after being denied in numerous ways for a variety of reasons, i gave up trying and it’s taken a bigger tole on me than i thought it would. at first, i used to be really insecure with myself — what if i’m not desirable? then it escalated to me losing my sex drive completely — I have no desire to have sex with my boyfriend or other people nor do I feel the desire to masturbate.

in addition, i feel like part of me doesn’t want to have sex with my boyfriend specifically bc things have overwhelmingly changed. not only do we have way less sex, but we used to share similar beliefs. now his are more extreme — one might even call him a “fanatic”.

i’m not sure what to do. i don’t see this relationship lasting for very long. a huge part of me wants to break up with him, but i know i’ll be heartbroken. i don’t want to give up on my relationship without tying absolutely everything but i’m not sure what else to do.