Bipolar Disorder help!

I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know how to feel. Crying while writing this because I’m an emotional wreck and I hate that I can’t control this. It seriously is affecting my life to the point I’m questioning do I want to keep living like this? I have no real friends, I’m homebound due to extreme anxiety and I have no job currently so I’m becoming even more depressed I’ve just been laying in bed for quite some time now. It’s hard for me to be around new people or travel new places in fear from over thinking. I can’t even keep conversation going because I shut down and become quiet with racing thoughts. It’s so hard for me to be emotionally attached to anyone other than family because my trust is destroyed. I feel numb inside, I am not living, I’m just alive.. that’s it I’m just here. I’m trying to be strong for my family but it’s eating me up inside literally 😰 I just need some encouragement or advice from anyone who’s experienced this or can help me out please!