Regretting sexual partners

Do you guys ever have that one partner, or a few, that you regret ever hooking up with?

I recently had a break up & tried to feel something thru sleeping w someone else and honestly it was the worst thing ever

I felt disgusting and I went to my gyno & got tested because I wasn’t thinking straight & didn’t use a condom (I know, super irresponsible. I’m not usually like this I’m such a stickler for diseases but I wasn’t thinking straight and said fuck it)

I got tested right after & then again 2 weeks later and was fine

But every time I think about it I get so disgusted like ew

And I don’t even talk to the guy anymore, he literally ghosted me & it makes me nervous because what if he’s psycho and shows up and stalks me

I never do reckless things like this but I don’t know what even came over me, I guess it was kind of a fuck you to my ex but I really fucked myself in the end)

The fact that I can’t contact the guy or anything drives me insane because wow but what can you dooooo

It happened, so move on

Anyways usually I don’t let these things get to me and I try not to have regrets because life is short but oh my goodness, sometimes it hits me like a truck late at night when I’m feeling overwhelmed and overthink, anxious and what not

I’m doing a lot better now, that was a month ago, my headspace was horrible but again I’m doing better

I try to turn these experiences into something that I could learn from of course but man it makes me so disappointed that I let it happen when that’s not my character

I felt so out of control, but I’m in control now