Depressed

I’ve never been so depressed before I could use some advice. Every morning I wake up and I’m sad I did. I just don’t want to keep living the way I’m living or dealing with what I have to go through.

I have one daughter and I’m 10 weeks pregnant now and don’t want to be. Because I’m with an awful partner mostly.

I just lost a room I was renting for a business I have with my partner. I technically haven’t been able to start yet because I haven’t bought everything I need so my partner decided it’s best I just move out so she can have the whole space because she’s mad I’m not using my side of the room on her time.

Money is a disgusting situation.

The only good thing going for me right now is my daughter and I start a great new job on Monday.

I’ve never been so heavy or ugly in my entire life.

I want to leave but can’t imagine being a single mom of two by myself, I can barely handle one and my SO actually lives with us.

I can’t keep my car running for the life of me and do nothing but pour money into it, I owe 9k on it and just had to get a new engine and it broke again after that.

I don’t really have anyone I can talk to.

I can’t get an abortion because I signed an agreement with an organization that helps you financially if you agree not to abort. If I do I’ll be taken to court if they find out.

I feel like I have no friends and family at all and everyone hates me. Really, everyone hates me for at least one reason. I’m bad at communicating with people and find messaging people and making plans exhausting so I don’t bother.

I lash out purely out of anger and sadness. I get overwhelmed and sad and anxious.

My partner never cares when I cry. I cry a lot. He’ll say “you’re crying again?” Or “you’ll cry over anything.” He calls me crazy if I yell or get angry and cry. When really I’m just screaming out for help but no one sees it or him.

I don’t think I’ve ever been this sad before or desperate. I’ve never thought more about suicide than now:( but I’d hate for my daughter to not have me even though I know I’m the worst mom ever to her.

I’m just so sad and lost and self harmed again after going a long time without. I’m so terribly sad and feel like I’m all alone in my own head. Help