Am I over reacting?

Question

Soo I got married in October 2020 and I found out in December 2020 that my new husband was sexting women he didn’t know, video chat sex, phone sex, and I found a photo of him sending a condom to a woman who he was going to pay for sex but the woman scammed him and she never showed (according to him) .. he says he has never cheated but WHY we were barley 2 months married when I found out.... 7 months has gone by he swears he has left everything he was doing before but recently changed jobs now he is alone allll the time and feel so nervous that now he has all the time in the world to see whom ever he wants whenever he wants and I would never even know ... I do see he’s “trying” but I’m nervous all of the time feel anxious ... he’s the love of my life and besides this terrible situation he’s an amazing husband I just don’t know if this is worth fighting for? I feel so heartbroken even after all these months have passed 😔

Answer

It's not a 'situation'. A situation would be a one off text. 
This is a desire. He has the desire to cheat on you. 
So- what exactly stopped that desire? Did he go to counseling? Did he change as a human? 
Why WONT he do that again? 
What happened to change the pattern and the urge?
Because if it wasn't something significant to warrant a significant change...he's still the same person, in the same situation, with the same thoughts, and the same patterns

Answer

If you have forgiven him and told him that you have moved on, it is up to you to build up the trust again and to believe him. You can’t rehash things you guys have forgiven. I would recommend going to therapy and seeing if you really have forgiven him.

Answer

How did you get married in the future? 
Regardless, he’s broken your trust and you need to get couples therapy to help work on this or to break up.

Answer

Thank you ladies 🙏🏼💕

Answer

Nobody can really tell you what to do your womens intuition is trying to guide you if you listen.
    If you do stay... I say put boundaries in place and also hve a game plan for seperation. You can not fly blind because of love. i would suggest two things.
   The first thing I suggest is since he has violted your trust there needs to be consequences and things put in place to help you feel more comfortable. I would say sharing location would be a requirement of mine to show he has nothing to hide... Life 360 is a location sharing app. Marriage counceling is another requirement. A professional who has delt with these problems can either help u come up withg solutions or pick up on if your husband is being genuine and should stay or exit the marriage. Professionals have seen e behaviors before and delt with enough cases to help u make an informed decision on wether the marriage is savable.... as well as give u tools to have better communication. Id require him to get person therapy. There is also apps such as I think its called Angel eyes that blocks sexually explicit content and notifies u if theyre trying to access it. These are just suggestions to help u cope if u do try to stay. Also personal therapy for yourself to explore becoming atronger as an individual.
    Secondly, dont fly blind. Come up with a exit plan in case stuff hits the fan. You see the behavior and know you can not and should not put all eggs in one basket. Make sure u have your finances together.  You explore all options for seperating. Look into seperation, divorce, etc and the process. Some states require legal seperation for a year before divorce elgibility. See if you can get the marriage annuled if it hsnt made it to a year yet. Explore your options!

Am I over reacting?

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