Growing up as I felt like I’m never enough for my mother. Well I’m Asian but somehow it’s just too much to handle recently. I got into therapy with psychiatrist for several months now but it hardly helps with my depression because of this expectation my mother had on me.

I took a gap year before getting into medical school. My mother told me was proud but she was trying to hide it from her friends because it takes me an additional year to get there.

I am getting licensed (hopefully) as physician/medical doctor in couple months. While preparing for the licensing exam I applied for 2 master degree in public health and surprisingly master degree in law. I need to submit thesis proposal to law school and it’s the best university in the country. I got accepted on both programs.

My aunty and cousins were calling me to congratulate me. Some of them were crying because they just feel so proud of me.

I told my mother I want to visit my hometown and celebrate it after I get licensed but she was hesitant and apparently she doesn’t want me to go there. It’s because my high school friend became doctor first and she thinks getting accepted on both of these master programs is not an achievement.

I work during school too, it’s exhausting. I don’t have any social life. I earned my own money so they don’t have to spend money on me. Recently my mom really like to tell me “well I never told you to do that”.

She wants me to join military forces or police department next year. There’s a thing here when you can be a military or police doctor. Only after then she thinks it’s a good time for me to visit my hometown. She think after that her friends will not be able to compare me with their children.

I’m extremely heartbroken now. I did consider joined the military next year but it’s sad that my mother feels like my hard work is not an achievement itself and she can only feel proud of me if she can tell people I got a rank in military or police department.

I have a stepdad and he does have a high rank as police officers. He got two daughters from previous marriage and they both went to medical school too. My mother always being supportive towards them. My stepdad always tell his daughters to do what makes them happy. It makes me jealous 💔

This is just a rant, I apologize if it sounded like I complain a lot. I don’t know who to talk to. I have a brother but he left the family because he grew tired dealing with my mother and her new family. He doesn’t even want to talk to me too. My dad passed away years back. I’m not telling other family member, just don’t want to make my mother sounds bad to them. So here I am😔