PLEASE ADVICE: He left me because I was suicidal

I recently had something trigger my suicidal thoughts that I had forever ago. I only mentioned it twice to my partner, the second time he told me I need to focus on myself and he left me. This came out of nowhere. It hurt me so much because I thought our connection was so beautiful and stronger than the reality of it. This happened more than a week ago but the thoughts have gone away. I felt like a failure because of work but the day he left me was the day I got an amazing job. Ever since then the thoughts have gone away, as I knew they would. But he still left. He texted me the day after the breakup and just told me good morning and then I told him the same and hope he had a good day at work. He loved the message and then never messaged me again. He doesn’t view my stories. No calls. Was I just nothing to him? Was the beautiful connection that I view within my eyes only one sided? He made me feel so loved when I was with him and he was so supportive and sweet . I know he left his ex for this same reason. But I only came to him about it twice. And I never have told anyone about these sick thoughts other than my past partner. I confined in someone with something so deep and personal, and they just leave me. It shatters my heart. I have discovered a passion for poetry since this happened but how could I just mean nothing. He’s probably fine. He’s probably already talking to another woman. I texted him today.. I got drunk and he just wouldn’t leave my mind. All I said was “ Hey, I hope you’re doing good and being safe “ no text back as of yet. I fear I won’t receive one . I guess that would be confirmation he truly never cared about me. My heart hurts so bad. I gave that man so much love and peace I never tried to talk to him about sad things while we were together. It was always happiness and laughs. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to open up to anyone ever again . I’m still hoping he texts me. I feel so stupid. Months and love given just to feel empty.