My bf was on Grindr, my self esteem is gone

The man who I almost married cheated on me online with trans girls on Grindr. Swapped pics, called them sweet names and texted all the time. He said he might be gay, he isn’t sure. We didn’t have sex for a whole year which fucking destroyed my self esteem. He follows hundreds of girls on social media with BBLs and other types of plastic surgery, so I’m confused. He said he isn’t into vag, but still likes their photos. I’m scared he’s just not attracted to me, but likes other girls. I have a nice curvy body that he used to like but I guess he doesn’t anymore. I used to think I was attractive but idk anymore. So many of his friends and coworkers tried to get with me and I remained loyal. I did everything for him. My family loved him as their own. My heart is broken and I feel so ugly and gross. I could never naturally look like a BBL girl. Nothing against them I just wouldn’t get one. I don’t know where else to post this but fuck I just want to key his car and slash his tires so bad. He still has the audacity to call me and end phone calls with “I love you” and tell me about his day. All I can do is cry and feel sorry for myself. I don’t know how to cope with this. It’s been a month since I moved out and I still can’t deal with the pain. I go to therapy but it isn’t working. I don’t understand how someone could do this to another human being. I’ve never felt worse in my life, and I’ve been through some difficult things already. This tops all of the trauma and death I’ve gone through. I can’t deal