FTM here. Would you rather have help before or after delivery?

Question

My MIL is coming over to help for a month. We are not really close but would love to have her around to cook at least. I want to labor at home as much as possible and having her present will be helpful. Could you please enlighten me?

Answer

After. Rest is a biggie and I’m sorry to say but in the hospital is the worst sleep ever. Recuperating after birth is needed even if it’s just a few hours.

Answer

I’d say maybe to have her come 1-2 weeks after delivery. Before you just want to soak up your last moments as just a couple before baby arrives. Right when baby comes you want to soak in all those moments with baby and you don’t want to “entertain.” I didn’t know any better and my parents and sister flew out the day my first was born. My dad and sis stayed 3 days and my mom stayed 10. I love my mom so much and she was super helpful for sure. But after like 3-4 days I was ready for her to go and just have time with my husband and baby. Then my MIL came for 5 days a few days after my mom left. Same thing, she was helpful and everything but I just would have much preferred alone time with hubby and baby

Answer

Since your hubby won't be there. It sounds like it would be a blessing to have her there. Definitely, after the baby is born. You don't want to become too overwhelmed. It would be good to give her the baby if you need to rest, shower, etc..... Do you not like her cooking or are you on a special diet? You never know this time could make you two become closer.

Answer

I mean having someone help with cooking and housework would be amazing after baby arrives but I wouldn’t want anyone staying with me in my house…especially for a month!

Answer

After for sure. I was so miserable the last few weeks of pregnancy my husband is lucky I let him around before delivery 😂😂

Answer

As a first time mom I didn’t really want
Many people around for any extended of period of time before or after. Before birth I was miserable, after birth it really felt best that I figure everything out on my own, learn to breastfeed, get to know my baby. It was nice when people came to visit for just a couple hours, even my own parents.

Answer

Definitely after delivery, you’ll be needing the most help then.

Answer

To me this sounds like a horrible idea. As someone who let her inlaws visit and "help" immediately after birth as a first time mom, I can say that boundaries were crossed (ones I didn't even know I needed to set), feelings were unintentionally hurt, and it was awful for all involved. Labor, birth, and postpartum, particularly as a FTM, is an incredibly vulnerable and intimate time and you should only be surrounded by people who you are 100% comfortable with. Postpartum is not glamorous and you need private space to bond with baby and get the hang of breastfeeding if you'll be doing that.

Answer

With the first baby I wanted ALL the help and had my in laws come after baby. Biggest regret. I was SO ready for them to go. This time we’re enjoying a couple weeks just us and then some family coming in only for two weekends. Not staying more than 2 days.

Answer

Ok so I’m going to say play it by ear and don’t set any actual timeframe. I personally didn’t want anyone around when I’m in pain so that’s out lol and after my kids were born, I didn’t want someone around all the time because I wanted to bond with my baby. I wanted to learn how to be a mom and not have someone else step in. I breastfeed and no way in hell would I do that in front of her and your boobs are out 90% of the day. Don’t really like her cooking but she made us some frozen meals ahead of time so we used those. I don’t need anyone to do my laundry as I find it weird having someone else touch my underwear 😂 plus I have. Specific place for my clothes and it would drive me nuts if it wasn’t put away right. 
Come visit for a few hours yes, but don’t stay.

FTM here. Would you rather have help before or after delivery?

Let’s Glow

Glow is here for you on your path to pregnancy

25+ million

4.8 stars

20+

Getting Pregnant

Pregnancy

1st Year (Baby & You)

Baby Products