Why do the people closest hurt us the most.

If you don’t have time to read this. I’ll shorten it. Seeing this guy, (I met his family btw)he was great, tried to take medication discreetly got pressed till I revealed, told me what I wanted to hear then checked out and stop chatting to me. Also used another disagreement to close this chapter even though he checked out after knowing about my health condition. Only chats if I reach out to him. He’s hurt me more than my ex has ever did.

This has been eating at my soul lately. Kinda hurts, also makes me not wanna open up about it again. So I’m on medication for health condition. So I’ve struggled with accepting who I am lately and I’m in

therapy for lots of things but it’s also allowing me to accept myself in a positive way.

Which I am doing right now, realising I’m not the problem. I was seeing this guy couple of times. I really liked him then so I went to take my medication discreetly but he seen and he questioned me on it. I said no but he pressed and I gave in and gave a clue and he figured it out.

I expressed who I am fully and I said I never tell anyone that because it’s something I’m coming to love and accept. He told me in that moment that week, he wouldn’t leave me and he’s happy that he told me. Then goes on to say stuff like I’ve dated some girls with different health conditions. I’m not gonna leave and he also mentioned that possibility of our kids having it is low until I told him it’s not and then he was like staying as long as you let me in blah Blah.

He did, he checked out the moment he found out and then he used another scenario that happened between us for him to never chat to me ever again. It’s sad because I’ve never told anyone this because of that exact reason. I’ve found it even harder in those past times to accept myself for who I am but since being in therapy it has helped me begin to accept myself.

I’m way better person than I was a year ago. I’ve came so far and now I get dropped for being so own about something, I expected him to drop me after our deep conversations and childhood, than him pressing about my health condition and then leaving me. It hurts.

He seemed to accepting of me in that moment. I’m now scared to ever be that open again because I’ll be left alone again. I’m actually gonna focus on myself from now on and not him.

The only time he ever answers is if I message him and he thinks it’s worthy of his time to respond. Like I’m upset.

I’ve always had that insecurity and doubt in my head about others accepting me for who I am. I accept myself but it just hurts a whole lot more when people leave after saying they want. This is the most upset I’ve been. My ex didn’t hurt me this much. I sat crying on the drive home and it didn’t help that I was listening to winner takes it all by ABBA cause I could relate to much. I can’t talk to family as they feel it’s not worthy to be upset or they’d be blunt and say he was using me but he wasn’t because I met his folks. He liked me until he found out the real me. You know no one likes the real me but only imposter side of myself. The side I use around others because I feel they aren’t worthy of seeing because they would leave.