Change of heart!

I was extremely eager to have my daughter, my body feels like I've been beaten time and time again and i was SOOOO ready to get her out. Excited to see her features and hold my baby girl 💜

...Now I'm terrified of the idea of birthing her. I'm coming closer to delivering, which I'm not yet sure that will be through a cesarean or natural, either way i don't want anything to do with it.

I'm due X'Mas and that's just 11 days away, I've dropped and effaced so it's time for dilation. I've been having a lot more cramping and back pain in the last 3-4 days, so i know she's coming, but i wish i could stop it. I love her so, but I'm afraid!

I was alone this entire pregnancy and will be alone birthing her as well and that terrifies me even more. I know women do this all of the time, but i am sooo not ready to push her out nor have her taken out of my body.

Birthing children is SUCH a beautiful and amazing thing, the way i feel about it right now is making me feel unworthy of being her mom. I just want to be drugged and woken up to my little Dove.

Myyyyyyyy goodness 😱