Would you tell her?

Question

So, my 8 year old daughter was a twin pregnancy. I started bleeding a lot around 10 weeks pregnant and the fetus was completely absorbed by 24 weeks. They shared a placenta so my pregnancy was extremely high risk as the placenta was detaching from the uterine wall. 
My daughter has mentioned, “her sister” since we can remember. She’s always talking about what she looks like, what it would be like if she had a sister and that she feels like she should have a sister. 
The thing is- we never told her. I never told her she was a twin. I never told her that I lost her sister. She had NO idea. I never even really processed the loss. I thought I lost both babies at first but when I went in for the D&C- we found one live fetus. So I chose to wait it out. 
I know I’m going to need to tell my daughter at some point. Especially when she’s family planning. Twins run in the family.. but Im not sure of when? 
When would you tell your kid? Or would you wait? I don’t want to keep it from her for too long but I also don’t want to damage her peace.

Answer

I was a twin pregnancy in a very similar situation as your daughter. My parents never hid the fact or kept silent on it. I always thought it was kinda cool and that I had a extra special angel watching over me. My mom was always very open about her miscarriages as well and now as an adult who has had her fair share of those as well I think my parents honesty really helped me process the reality of pregnancy , loss, and the joy of children.

Answer

When I was 10 my friend told me she supposed to be a twin but she is not and now she has few extra ribs on one side. She always said this story very proud, there was no creepiness and all the rest of us we were like wow! If you want to tell her it’s totally up to you, it doesn’t have to be a bad or emotional thing for her just because it’s for you.

Answer

I would tell her so she knows her feelings are justified and she doesn’t feel like she’s weird.

Answer

I think it depends how emotionally mature you feel she is. Will she understand? Will it upset her? If you leave it too long will she feel like you've hidden it from her?
Personally I'd want to know. It would help explain how she's feeling.

Answer

My 15yr old has a twin brother. We lost him at 17wks. She has known since she was a toddler. 
She never thought it was her fault 
She isn’t emotionally behind or having issues
She doesn’t think about much these days
The most recent thing she said was that we don’t have an ornament for him. 🤷‍♀️

Answer

I would just leave it alone until she is much older. She will probably feel like she killed her twin or something. My 9yo was a twin pregnancy but the doctors never told me what happened. Either it passed on its own or was a tubal pregnancy.

Answer

My 3.5 year old daughter had a twin that we found out about around 7 weeks. All traces were gone by 13 weeks. Our kids know we have had losses, but we haven’t specifically explained to her that she had a twin. If she started saying things like your daughter, I would definitely tell her then. As it is, I am just waiting for the right moment. I don’t know when it will come, but it will come.

Answer

This isn’t the same situation but it shows a little insight on a child’s thought process. 
My husband and I lost our first son at 21 weeks. We had already told my step daughter (she was 4 at the time) that she was going to be a big sister to a baby boy so when we lost him, we had to tell her. She was devastated, as expected, but what has come after is something I never could’ve imagined.  She is 8 now and she still talks about her brother in heaven. She talks about him so lovingly and she is so proud to have 4 brothers (two on her moms side, two on ours).
Although it’s not the exact same situation, I wanted to let you know another experience with loss and kids.  I think she would definitely be old enough to understand it (if explained appropriately) and would not feel like she did anything wrong. We are very open about our son in heaven with my step daughter. We talk to her any time she brings it up and we make sure to keep his memory alive.  It is truly your decision when you want to tell her and you certainly know your kiddo best, but I think she will surprise you when you do tell her.
Best of luck to you and I pray she is receptive and happy to know she has an angel watching out over her.

Answer

My mom always told me about the baby she lost before me. I mean before 4/5 years old and I don’t think it was wrong or bad! If anything I remembered to ask about it when my husband and I took over six months to conceive, I found out my mom tried for that baby for a year and lost it, then got pregnant with me six months later. I couldn’t imagine! I’m glad she told me.

Answer

I agree. You should wait until she is a little older. When it's time to give her the "sex talk" or when she does sex Ed at school (if they still have that) when you get to the part about pregnancy explain to her how ovulation and stuff like that works. Let her know that twins run in the family and there is always that chance she could have twins. At that moment if you're ready explain to her how she was a twin and what happened.

Would you tell her?

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