8 years ttc and absolutely shattered

But of a vent because I haven’t been able to tell anyone about my pain and I don’t know a soul who would understand it… so I don’t tell anyone because I don’t wanna be told “it will happen” “just keep trying” by someone who’s just popped out there 4th child without even trying, while they are doing drugs there whole pregnancy :(

I’m struggling super bad with secondary infertility… and I didn’t realise how badly it was hurting me and what an impact it was having on me . I have a 9 year old who isn’t my partners… he and I have been together 8 years and is an amazing dad to my daughter but I can’t give him a baby :( and it’s all I want … our baby, I hate seeing my daughter not having someone to grow up with, and it feels like I have pieces of my life that are missing … like my life isn’t complete if that makes sense, I always wanted at least 3 or 4 kids I always said by 30 I’d be done having kids but I turn 30 this year and I haven’t been able to have another so I think that’s why it’s hitting me harder lately because of that stupid time frame I gave myself before I ever even had a child… when I get my period I get angry at my self for being sad because I tell myself every month it won’t happen so don’t expect anything (cause you know people seem to get pregnant when they “stop trying”) then I feel guilty for crying and weak for not listening to my own advice of it not happening but then in that moment I remind myself I don’t really mean that stupid advice i tell myself and hope to god it’s wrong advice because I’m actually not ok I’m gutted and heart broken but Iam getting use to it then some months it’s harder to deal with.

Honestly how do you get through life with a piece of the puzzle missing ? does it get easier ? Or do I just get use to feeling like I’m failing as a woman, my body not even doing what it was designed to do :(