What would you do if you were 20, and had a father that wants to control your whole life? Today we had a huge fight, he made me cry.

He said really harsh words like “you’re not my daughter, you don’t have a father from now on” and “go pack your things and leave” and “you’re destroying my family”. I tried to calm him and reassure him that I value him (while trying not to cry in front of him), but he kept insisting that he’s not my dad and wanted me to shut my mouth and stop calling him “dad”. This whole fight happened not because I’m a criminal, not because I did something deadly. This was because I believe in God. The same God that he believes in, but the difference is that I want to follow the Bible, but he doesn’t. I have a different definition of “success” in life. My father wants me to have a good job and make money to raise my children. I want that too, but before that, I want to follow Jesus and become the human that Jesus wants me to be, because that’s the purpose of life. That’s what I told my father and he immediately got mad. He insulted me and my mother by saying that I’m dumber than her for believing in such things, and that I “switched off” as a human. He wanted to check my phone and social media to see with whom I am talking with and lock my car and hold my keys so that I can’t go anywhere. And the worst of all, he said that I should stop going to church, which is the only place I go to, as I have no friends to hang out with. I’m basically 20 years old, and fully controlled by my father. Oh wait, I don’t have one now.

I basically feel that my soul was raped. And this is the third time in 6 months that this has happened, about the same topic. I lost so much weight due to the stress he caused me, I let him blame it to my fasting. He’s the cause but I never blamed him. I nearly had anorexia because of him.

Now I don’t know what to do. If I could leave and get a job, that would have been perfect. But it’s not possible here. I’m locked in his house and forced to obey his rules. I’m not allowed to be different or express a different opinion. And I won’t lie about the fact that I’m terrified. I don’t know what else he can do. He has never physically abused us, but I just don’t trust him anymore. I feel raped and lost. I don’t know how to handle it...