UPDATE: Am I in the wrong?

****he came over last night. He was crying and pleading and begging me to take him back. It was so hard but I kept saying no over and over and over again. His apologies seemed so sincere and true but I just kept saying no. Now I’m awake wondering if I made a mistake. He seemed so apologetic and like he really finally understood how I was feeling. I’m just telling myself to be strong. Thanks for listening everyone.

Boyfriend and I just got back together. We had broke up last year due to me “fucking up” he didn’t like me to be on social media so I wouldn’t but here and there I would log in sometimes just to browse and see pics of my nieces and other family members. I would never even talk to anyone and guys would never message me on there, he just didn’t like me on social media. I tried to go to a concert with my best gf and he flipped over it. There is we’re many things he would flip out about and eventually he ended up breaking up with me saying that I won’t do what he says which just shows I don’t respect him and he doesn’t want to be with someone like that. I always did what he said and feel that I was a good girlfriend but because I would still want to do things with my friends he’s painted me as not loyal and a bad girlfriend. So we broke up. I would reach out to him because I missed him so much but he would ignore me or the times he answered he would tell me to Fuck off.

Fast forward now we have been back together for a month. It’s been good.. except the times he freaks out over things. Now that he’s taken me back (not sure what I even did that was that horrible) his motto is that “I have to earn him” that before he gave me everything and was willing to do everything for me and I FuckEd it up by going on social media and picking concerts over him so now I have to earn him. Since being back together he’s fought with me about three times. These fights are huge and in the mist of them he calls me a bitch, a whore, a cunt, says I’m dumber than rocks, I’ll never find anyone better than him, I’m pathetic and so many more other things. His frustration stems from the fact that he says I won’t just shut up and give him the keys to the relationship. He says I try to be equal and we’re not equal that he is above me in this relationship and I just need to shut up and listen. Last night we broke up.. I got snippy about how he made me feel dumb about something I asked him. He flipped out and said “see this is why we will never work out you can’t just shut up and hold your tongue!” He said there’s a time and place for everything and I shouldn’t have gotten mad during the time he was trying to enjoy his meal. He went to the extreme and packed up all his stuff and left.

This morning came back yelling at me telling me I’m awful and I’ll be alone forever. That we won’t work because I try to be his equal and don’t know when to just shut up and be normal. He tells me I must be brain dead because how can I not see the amazing man I have and not want to be better. He tells me I’m lucky to have him back after how I fucked him over last time. He told me so many things. Now I’m just sitting here so mad at myself. If I would’ve just shut up last night none of this would’ve happened and we would be fine! I just honestly didn’t think me getting mad over something would cause this whole mess or I would’ve never said anything. He gets so worked up when he yells at me and tells me what I’m doing wrong that I believe him. I am an awful person, I’m just not sure what I’m doing that’s so bad. I’ve tried calling him to make it better but he’s really mad and idk what to do. He does everything for me and is always there for me and tries always to make me happy so that’s why I feel guilty and always take him back once we talk about things. He admits he doesn’t respect me but he says it’s because I make it hard for him to respect me.. idk.