Feel depressed

Got this feeling always.

When we have our fight(my bf) I always go suicidal thought. I always cant handle my emotions and eveytime I got angry or mad i want to hurt my self. Got always a cutter and try to hurt my self. I want to get mad at me. I want to hurt my self.

When we always have fight my bf always fight also, he is short patience. When I got mad he get mad also , its so hard. Everytimw we had figt i want to hurt my self. 😭😭😭😭