A letter to my POS abusive ex I finally esacped

Our story started like any other story. We stayed up late talking, and getting to know one another. We fell so hard and so fast for each other, or I did for you anyway. We were shy and timid at first, but soon enough we outgrew that and became ourselves around each other. It didn’t take long for you to show me who you really are. After the first fight we had, I should have never came back. I won’t say I was perfect because I know I am not, but I pray that I will never be anything like you were. I don’t have the care or energy in my life right now to list everything you’ve ever done that’s affected me. But there was no exact starting point. You just turned mean and you disguised it with excuses saying you cared about me. I should have ran then, but unfortunately, I stayed.

I couldn’t do anything without you breathing down my back. Your tone was always filled with rage, and when you didn’t get your way, the punishment was the silent treatment and threats of being left. You became lazy (or in my mind you were the entire time- I just didn’t see it until now) and if I wanted to hang out with friends, I was guilt-tripped into coming straight home because you weren’t there to join in on the fun. Or I would be hounded with questions and accusations about what exactly I was up to. When I would get upset, you would get mad and hurl insults at me. I eventually learned that you telling me I was arguing about everything, was in fact me just explaining my side of things. Trying to talk to you was impossible because you threw everything I had ever done wrong right back in my face. Eventually I became a shell of who I was and just shoved every emotion inside of me to hide and revisit when I was alone, because if I didn’t, I would be “punished.”

From the beginning, my friends and family all knew you were no good, and they warned me time and time again that you would only bring destruction to my life. They could see the abuse and control you put upon me. However, I was blind and didn’t see any of the red flags until after the fact. I thought I could fix you and make you not so angry and hateful, but I should’ve known that you didn’t want to be fixed. You loved playing the victim card and having people feel sorry for you. I listened to your sob stories about all of your past girlfriends, and slowly came to the realization that they weren’t as crazy as you made them out to be.

If I had been smart I would’ve stayed away from you when we broke up the first time, but unfortunately for me I was a stupid girl who thought the guy she liked had changed just for her. You were better for about two seconds, but it took you no time at all to return back to normal and even worse than the first time. Eventually it came to you making jokes about my anxiety and depression. You said it was all in my head and it was time for me to get over myself. It was at that moment I started to resent you, but you had it ingrained in my mind that you were the best that I could do. Then came the worst of it. We got into the worst fight yet, and I was tired of backing down. I didn’t know who I was anymore and I was so tired of apologizing for everything. You punished me with silence, degrading words, and accusations. You punished me by turning my family against me. You punished me by leaving. You punished me by degrading my character one final time, and I knew right then and there that I was done with you.

I abandoned the fear of being alone and leaped into the unknown. I ended things with you and I will never regret that. It’s been a few months since you left. The memory of dating you seems like a distance dream, (a nightmare to be exact) and I have grown stronger and stronger every day. Through months of counseling, I realized I wasn’t crazy, clingy, stupid or worthless. I did learn however that you are an abusive and narcissistic shell of a human being. That’s not just my opinion either, that is a professional’s opinion.

A few days ago someone brought up your name and apologized because they thought I still had feelings for you, or that it was still too sensitive to bring up. I could only smile because I realized it had been so long since you even crossed my mind, and I felt absolutely nothing but pity for you. The disaster you left me with is much much bigger than you. I don’t hate you or even dislike you, but I will forever pity the pathetic excuse for a man that you are. We both know you will forever be miserable deep down inside, and that’s good enough for me. I wish you all the best though in trying to at least live a happy life.