Abortion ..

Hello ladies!

I’m a mother of 2. I am 23 & I am pregnant *9weeks 5 days**. My child’s father & I broke up..I am considering a abortion. I know most people will say think about it which I did since I was 4/5 weeks! I am in my thoughts daily!! What should I do?? I don’t want to keep the baby because my child’s father & I broke up. I broke up with him because we argue DAILY! We can’t go a week or a day without arguing . He cheated on me with his Bm almost the entire relationship & I found out in January!! When I found out that’s when he stopped & been loyal since because he got caught. We argue due to HIM cussing at me & being rude! When we argue he tells me I fell out from him since January *when he got caught* & I told him off .. because he’s trying to play mind games which I know. Then on top of that he proposed to his Bm in text while we dated & she denied but she did say she love him. He was flirting with her tryna sweet talk her & he exchanged pictures .. also I don’t have an attachment to the pregnancy .. on the ultrasound I catch myself smiling but other than that I’m not happy. I want to focus on my 2 kids & I don’t think I can force myself to be tied to someone like this!! ** he’s not the father of my 2 kids** & In this pregnancy I’m alone honestly he live with his mother *20* & don’t drive . He pretty much is not in the pregnancy he ask for pictures of my belly that’s it. I always dreamed of with my last child I waned a HOME a happy healthy home! Both families together .. this is not what I wanted😞am I wrong if I do the abortion? He says he respects it if I get one. He also say he will kill himself soon because he’s tired of life being so dark but I told him he’s the one who causes damage in his own life by hurting those around him he claim he love but also says that because I left him for my happiness. I try to help him grow mentally & he attacks me verbally . I told him he don’t show much emotions of this pregnancy as well & he said “what do u want me to do? Jump out a fucking window “ .. like I’m just done. He kept pictures of his Bm in his phone & deleted it once he knew I seen it .. I just can’t . I wanted my baby with someone who is right for me😞I’m recently going back to church & it’s a sin to do an abortion but I don’t think I can force myself to go through with a pregnancy that’s so toxic with the father .. thank you ❤️

Also how do I contact my OB about an abortion I want to do? I want to do pills .. I already seen her a week ago & my next app is when I’m in my second trimester .. I’m new to this abortion situation..

Edit: It’s more than just because the father & I broke up. He’s not ready to be a father he’s not in his son life. Also , I want to focus on my 2 kids my son is turning 7 soon but he is a handful .. he likely has autism & doctors are finally agreeing to help me diagnose him & getting him help. My son is behind mentally & he needs a lot of support from me. I struggle with my son in school since he don’t behave, he constantly gets out school suspension , he has trouble learning in school because mentally he can’t process things correctly. I don’t have a support system & i don’t think financially I can do 3 kids. It’s not just about the father..