I feel like a fool

My bf and I have struggled with sex.

At first it was great and then the pill took a massive toll on my libido. Also, we've both had significant mental health hiccups that don't help, and I am super paranoid about getting pregnant even though I'm on the pill. But the biggest issue is my confidence: we had a chat a while ago about how he always used to initiate things and how that gets boring. At the moment we're having sex about once a month.

Anyway, fast forward to yesterday, I woke up unexpectedly feeling confident (it honestly doesn't happen often) and I said "ok, today you'll seduce him!" So I spent the day preparing myself: I had a shower, I read a few tips here and i bought something nice for dinner.

So he gets home, I cook him this nice dinner and then I offer to run him a bath. Whilst he is in the bath, I got changed into this little sexy outfit and then I waited for him to come out.

When he did, he was shocked Inna food way, but it was so hard to read if he was turned on, I think he was a bit confused. He came in, kissed me, said I look cute and then asked why I was dressed like that. Because I'm so awkward I said it was because I wanted to feel good (?) and then it was just awkward. I thought he would then fall for it and at least do something but nope. We ended up having hot drinks in bed whilst watching a film.

Don't get me wrong, my bf is the sweetest guy in the world and he did mention his legs hurt from work so I guess he wasn't in the mood, he even asked if I was ok several times after noticing I was quiet but I didn't have the guts to tell him how embarrassed I was, he even left my coffee ready this morning so I think he knows I'm not 100% ok.

I just thought that because I was doing something so out there it would work and he would make a move. I think I either didn't say the right thing or just made it awkward, I don't know .. Now I feel like this has put me off trying things just because I struggle too get it right.

You have no idea how much courage it took me to dress like that, as I said, I do really struggle with these things, so I just wanted to vent about how deflated I feel.