Should I be concerned/ upset?

Question

So I just saw on my boyfriends phone accidentally that he has been on Instagram/tiktok looking at half naked girls. I personally feel like that isn’t right but another part of me thinks well he is a guy that’s what they do. I confronted him about it and he said he was sorry and deleted tiktok but I can’t shake this icky feeling I have. It makes me feel like I’m not enough for him to have to be seeking out that kind of content. I’d appreciate other girls advice greatly. I know part of the reason I feel icky as well is because I’m not 100% confident with myself but also why he gotta be lookin at girls like that 🙃🙃🙃 he’s not single.

Accepted Answer

I personally think that it’s not okay. Yes there is pictures of naked people all over the internet. But there is a difference between it just popping up on things while you’re scrolling , and actually searching for it … ya know what I mean? 
If you could see that he is actively searching for it, then I think it’s a problem. 
I hate when people call women insecure/jealous because their men are disrespectful.

Answer

What people fail to realize is that we are only human …. You can not stop a person from having eyes and looking at other attractive ppl. Any platform on social media is all half naked women tbh, as long as he isn’t reaching out or communicating with these women I don’t think you should be worried. You are enough! don’t let your insecurities ruin a good thing. We are in charge of our insecurities we can’t put anyone in place to take care of them we have to personally work on that aspect of ourselves. Good luck!

Answer

You're NTA. Period. Full stop.
Yes, we're human and people look, however, if he's seeking out other women for sexual release or needs them to get in the mood, then that's a problem. 
That behavior should, absolutely, not be normalized. It's disrespectful of him and sends the message, as you stated, that you aren't enough. And that isn't okay.
Frankly, I'm so tired of women who play it off as "whatever". I told my partner, either I'm enough and you're committed to me or you want other women. He made this spiel about "being a man" and I told him, I have needs and eyes, too. However, I chose and want to be with you. So, while I could easily seek out other men, I don't. He continued to argue and I made it clear that he can have one or the other but not both. If he would rather have IG, or other social media women - he can have them. But he doesn't get to eat his cake and, still, have it.
I'm no longer willing to put myself in a position where my worth is undermined. I've been through that enough. 
You shouldn't be in that position, either. No one should.

Answer

I understand why you would feel that way. Good you had a conversation about it. I would go the extra mile and put in some boundaries if you’re really feeling some kind of way. But honestly I also agree with the comment Frankie made in todays world social medias are filled with half naked women and men. I personally don’t see anything wrong with looking as long as that’s all there is too it. But remember what you ask of him has to be reciprocal on your end if he can’t look neither should you but it’s your life and relationship so what makes you both happy and comfortable.

Answer

Totally not okay in my opinion. Boundaries should be set early on in the relationship. Early on in my relationship, before the boundaries talk,  I saw some things that rubbed me the wrong way on my boyfriend's phone. I talked to him about it, explained my feelings, and invited him to be open about it as well. He immediately understood and corrected his actions. He doesn't even watch p**n anymore. And our intimate life has been better ever since.

Answer

I know a lot of people disagree with this, but I would be MUCH more concerned with the snooping than looking at pictures. But in my relationship, we both know that pics/content like that does not matter and we both respect each other’s right to privacy. I think he handled it really well. You said you were uncomfortable, and he immediately deleted tiktok. Idk what else you want him to do.

Answer

Well, tiktok is basically full of girls who try and get as naked as they can and “dance” as they call it. Basically just shoving their ass and tits into the camera or “dancing sexy” thinking they’re hot. My biggest issue with it is a lot of them are literal children like 13-16 years old dressing up and doing their makeup to look like 20-something’s. It’s degrading and not cute imo🤷🏻‍♀️ My husband never had TikTok, I had it for a while to watch a guy that works at a gator rescue in Florida (he feeds them, swims with them, it’s pretty cool and I have a strange satisfaction with deadly animals lmao) but even though I wasn’t ever watching the videos, those little girls were 90% of my feed🙄 Anyway my husband used mine sometimes to watch some Xbox COD guy and he saw one of those videos and was like “what the fuck is this shit”😂 I don’t have the app anymore and he’s never downloaded it. He found his guy on YouTube and some other gaming app.
I don’t get upset with my husband for scrolling through Facebook and coming across a photo of a woman in a bikini or something. It’s not like he can control what’s on his feed. He doesn’t look and doesn’t care. He doesn’t have instagram. If he did start searching up girls specifically to look at their photos or saving them, or downloaded tiktok after seeing what the majority of it is, I’d have an issue.

Answer

I wouldn't be okay with it either....but please have a serious conversation about it. Because if he is actively seeking he could have an addiction to pornography.
If is something  that he will keep doing...you have the right to not accept it and move forward. 💗

Answer

It depends on the content, how frequently he's looking at it and if he interacts with it. My ex looked at this all the time and would get private pics/videos from OF. I'm sure he was on many other things too. I wasn't okay with that so I left. My boyfriend now does not, and if he does it's not enough for me to notice or care. He's also 7yrs older than me and wayyy more mature than my ex though. but it's about what you're comfortable with and what you expect in your relationship. I'd make that clear sooner than later!

Answer

There is full on porn on TikTok as well, so if you are happy with him looking at porn, it's kinda the same on other platforms. But messaging/following it too far for me

Should I be concerned/ upset?

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