*Trigger warning.* Domestic Violence

4 years ago my ex fiancé punched me in the face, knocked out multiple teeth, robbed me and obviously got arrested. He was sentenced to 4 years and gets out next week. I haven’t spoken to him since the incident. I took the break up incredibly hard, I grieved him as if he died, I think I made myself think that way to try to forget about him. Anyway, I truly feel as though I am so fucked in the head for this but I’ve never stopped loving him. I’m not sure how many loose screws I have to have to miss a man who constantly beat the shit out of me but I do. I obviously know better than to contact him when he gets out and I don’t plan on getting back with him at all but I can’t help these feelings. There’s no way this is normal, right?