Masturbating > Men 🤷🏽‍♀️

Lately I’ve been wanting “company” if you know what I mean..

but I know myself well enough to know that as soon as I start hanging out with the same guy.. once a month, every other weekend, then every weekend… bc that’s that’s always how it goes… that I’ll start to catch feelings and right now Is not a good time for that.. my last relationship which was almost 5 years actually, became an abusive relationship for the last two years of the relationship. Im barely figuring out who I am again and what I like or don’t like and so on and so forth.. I’ve had to completely reimagine my future and that could only start AFTER the agonizing pain in my stomach and chest went away first.. anyway I haven’t been out of the relationship long enough to be able to trust myself and I’ve recently come to realize that I also am not able to do the whole fuck buddy thing… lately I catch myself masturbating before i make any decision about any man I am interested in sexually/romantically.. turns out all I need is 3 minutes at the most and then BOOM like magic I’m totally over it/him. And idc what he does or who he’s with and I’m able to concentrate I def could be the only one and I might seem weird/crazy bc of this but oh well I figured out how to get something I was really struggling with.. doesn’t have to be for everybody 🤷🏽‍♀️