if your sex drives are different, who controls the frequency?

Question

curious in marriages with miss matched sex drives, who holds the power? i feel like its a stereotype that women have low sex drives and the power to decide when sex happens.

Answer

My husband has the lower drive and he controls the frequency.

Answer

Low drive partner. It may suck for the high drive partner, but trying to force your SO to have sex with you when they just don't want it is, IMO, a form of SA.

Answer

Lower. In my opinion, compromising for more sex or the person with the higher drive planning it essentially always results in there being more sex than the lower drive wants and that’s unfair and could be seen as sexual assault or pressuring into sex when they don’t want it. You both should want to have sex for it to happen, it shouldn’t have to be a deal who gets control on how often. I don’t like this question

Answer

We compromise. Sometimes I give more than I feel like, sometimes we don’t do it as much as he wants.

Answer

My boyfriend has a lower drive as well. I have learned to let him dictate it and to not “expect” it from him because nothing hurt more than to be rejected when I tried to initiate. Ever since I backed off it has made it more enjoyable and my frustration about the situation eventually went away. I’m happy with the once a week now. Sometimes it gets closer to two weeks and I get irritated tbh, but I just busy myself and it usually works out in the end.

Answer

My boyfriend has the lower drive and never does anything to make me satisfied when we do it. 😢 done in 30 seconds. No foreplay.

Answer

So my husband and I both have pretty high sex drives but his is definitely higher than mine. The dynamic between us in our marriage is perhaps different from most but we are happy with it and it works for us- using this as a disclaimer in case anyone wants to jump down my throat over what I’m about to say 😅  
Basically I initiate things when I feel like it/have the energy and if I don’t, I don’t initiate however I am receptive to him and he does the initiating if I’m tired! We have sex a LOT, daily, sometimes more 😆 he doesn’t mind initiating and doing the “heavy lifting” when it comes to ensuring we both enjoy it, if I’m feeling tired. We try to keep things pretty balanced but I also want his needs to be met since his drive is higher than mine and- as I said this is consensual okay yall 😉- I have no problem being “used” if he just wants to jump on me whenever he pleases and I’m super tired. He always makes sure I orgasm more than once so I’m not gonna complain 😂 so all that to answer the question- he controls the frequency and he has the higher libido!

Answer

Holds the power? This should be a respect thing…not a power thing!

Answer

I’d say we compromise. If he really doesn’t want it, we don’t, but he usually will make sure i get taken care of, but I’d have sex daily if i could. But i won’t ask him to do it when he really doesn’t want to, or if i know he’s extra tired/long day at work. And then if I’m not feeling it and he is, I’ll usually give a bj or something. It’s not always full on sex but we definitely compromise with other things and not completely write off being intimate.

Answer

Sex isn’t a power dynamic so I don’t like how this is worded but, in my opinion, both do. My husband would have sex multiple times a day if I wanted too, so I’m often turning him down, but if he never initiated it, we would have sex a lot less often. So in a sense he (higher sex drive) controls when we have sex ￼and I (lower sex drive) control when we don’t lol.

if your sex drives are different, who controls the frequency?

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