Dating someone with herpes?

Question

Hey guys! There’s this guy I really like. He’s genuinely so sweet and considerate, he makes me laugh all the time, and it’s very clear he cares about me. I think he’s so wonderful. The thing is, he told me he has genital herpes from when his ex girlfriend cheated on him. 
I don’t want to say “he’s so kind and sweet and cute and nice… but he has herpes” because I don’t want to reduce him to his STD. People are so much more than their STD, and I understand that. But the truth is, I’m having a hard time overlooking it. I really do not want herpes. I know it’s just a skin condition, but unfortunately the stigma surrounding it is still so bad so I’m afraid that if we broke up and I had it, no one would want to date me and I would’ve ruined my life. I would regret it so much.
I understand that I’m considering doing to him exactly what I’m afraid others would do to me if I had it (walk away and reduce me to my STD). I’m really at odds with myself because I like him so much and I do want to be with him, but I really do not want herpes. I know there’s ways to reduce the risk, but it’s not 100% so there would still be a risk. Has anyone been in this situation before? Any advice on what I should do?
I’ve been doing so much research and I’m really trying to get comfortable with the idea of sleeping with him, but I’m just not there yet and I am afraid I may never be :(

Answer

Unless youve been tested for it as well dont count yourself out just yet.. He knows he has it because he was tested most ppl have herpes and dont know because they've never been tested or had an outbreak

Answer

HSV is so common, you might have already been with someone who had it but they weren't aware of it. It can be dormant, so lots of people have it but never get symptoms. I think it's your decision to make. There are definitely things to work out, but I think the fact he was open about it is a good sign.

Answer

You aren’t a bad person. I am willing to bet the people who were given herpes unknowingly and suffer from it would probably not choose to take the risk of contracting it knowingly, if they had been given that choice…

Answer

So here is my story I hope this can actually help having advice from someone with first hand experience.. I have herpes 😔 my ex gave it to me almost 7 years ago on purpose (confirmed by him) when he knew I was going to end the relationship due to him cheating. Ironically enough I only have HSV-2 and never had HSV-1 (coldsores)!
I started a new relationship a few months after we broke up and literally 2 months into that relationship I had my first outbreak, I then suffered years of many many outbreaks which is very rare but unfortunately my body is prone to stress reactions, I was so stressed my life was ruined. My partner to this day has stuck by me and gets test regularly and has never caught the virus from me. I AM SO CAREFUL not to give it to him. We have not used protection for 5 years now and I am pregnant with our first baby. 
Once you have had a couple of outbreaks you learn the signs, for me around a week before I get sores I get super emotional, I cry for no reason and feel very down, then I have 2 days of intense nerve pain in my legs before the itching starts meaning sores are beginning to appear. As soon as the nerve pain starts I start taking suppressive medication (acyclovir) and stop being intimate. I then have to ride the awful wave so to speak where you keep an eye on the blisters. I don't re-engage in sexual activity until the skin goes back to normal colour meaning there is no redness which is usually about 3-5 after I am feeling better and the blister is healed. During this time I always wear boxer shorts (as mine appears on my very inner thigh) to ensure no skin contact happens between my partner and I.
Because I use the suppressive medication straight away sometimes I heal really fast but in those cases I always give it 14 days from the onset just incase as I don't want to put my partner at risk.
Its a lot of trust to put into someone to feel they will be cautious enough to protect you, you need to look out for yourself but it is managable with the right person and the right methods.

Answer

If you like him as much as it sounds like and you can see a future together, then use protection and abstain from sex when he has an active outbreak. I believe there are also prescription medicines available for him to reduce the risk of transmission. If you both want the relationship to work you will find a way to make it work.

Answer

Use protection always.. but if you can’t get pass him having an incurable STI then don’t date him.. it doesn’t make you a bad person.. you’re not reducing him to his STI but i mean you don’t have it an run the risk of getting it by being involved with him..

Answer

You could have herpes as well & not know so unless you had a outbreak you wouldn’t know research how common herpes is it will humble you so don’t count yourself out just yet

Answer

If you love him then you wouldn’t care that he has an STD. I know someone who recently caught herpes and thought her life was over. She’s now in a going on 2 year relationship and even talking about children. It’s all about being educated and in love. 
There are people with herpes that are in relationships/ engaged and married and the one spouse is free of the STD that their spouse has. It’s this one story I’ve seen (I forgot where) and her husband and their children don’t have the STD she has . They’ve been together for ever a decade and her husband and children didn’t catch it BECAUSE she takes daily medication that stabilizes her disease. 
Once again .. It’s all about being educated. 
Once you’re educated on STD’s and herpes , etc .. then you’ll be just fine and wouldn’t care that he has it. 
There’s medication they take daily for them to not transmit the disease because the medication they take daily stabilizes the diseased cells from transmission to another. 
You should communicate with him how you GENUINELY feel. Don’t fake anything. Don’t hurt his feelings now or in the long run and what I mean by that is 1. Being rude and 2.staying around while feelings develop, WHILE being too afraid of him , and when you can’t handle anymore.. then you break off with him and go y’all separate ways. That’s what I mean by don’t hurt his feelings. 
You should pray to god about this. Talk to him and tell him how you genuinely feel and for him to help you guide your way through this phase and friendship. 
“God is the way , the life and the truth. He’ll never leave or forsake you. There’s NOTHING you can do to make god stop loving you bc he knew you before you were even created in your mothers womb. The one who believes will be spared from Death and have everlasting/eternal life. ”

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I just want to add, do whatever is best for you and your health… but statistically speaking, I remember reading that 1/6 people under 50 are infected with HSV-2… There’s so many people who it lies dormant in, and they have no idea.

Answer

Don’t have sex see how far it goes  never know y’all could get married or just stay friends . Don’t have to do anything with him it can’t get past it

Dating someone with herpes?

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