Need some help
I moved to this city almost 3 years ago, and started dating my now boyfriend almost 2 years ago. We live together, and I love him very much. I just am realizing that I'm missing something from life - friends!!! At this point, I've been here a while and have met people who have wanted to hang out, be friends, whatnot, most of which are guys who end up wanting ~more~...
I am going a bit crazy, I have quite the jealous side and snooped through my boyfriend's cell a year ago and found that he had been texting some girl who sent him pix of herself all cutsie and he was responding with compliments! I kind of asked him about it... By which I mean I made up an obviously bad story about how I dreamed that had happened. And used her name and quotes what was said, to which he told me that he would never do something like that when in a committed relationship. Obvious lie, but ok, I haven't brought it up since.
Lately I've been dwelling on it. I don't know why, but I have. I've only met a few of his friends, and one girl I will never see again because first day I met her, she was grabbing at his genitals and hugging him for wayyyy too long, and too frequently. I pointed it out later, after she was gone and we were home that it bothered me that she was so clingy and flirty and handsy with him, in as unassuming of a way as I could muster. May have silent cried a little bit when he tried to turn it into a joke and say that's just how she is, but I maintained a level voice and said that I was seriously upset at the fact that he didn't do anything to stop it, and he promised not to allow that kind of thing again.
It bothers me that now he doesn't hang out with any friends, and I actually pretty much have no one to go to and vent or just hang out with to at least provide some space between the two of us. I'm needing some dang girl time, even though I've never ever had that before. It just makes me wonder why he isn't hanging out with anyone anymore, and my mind goes a bit loopy thinking that all of his friends must be like that then. (He told me that most of his friends are gals, soooo yeah....)
He is 35, and I'm 21. We have slightly different perspectives on a lot of things (which typically I use to learn from, as I just like to understand why people are the way they are, and what makes people tick), although he is much more prone to emotional explosions than I am. I'm more of a "keep it inside unless necessary" kind of person, and he's more of a "keep everything inside and let it all explode once in a while" kind of person. We both have some emotional maturing to do.
So now to my question, to anyone who is still reading my immensely detailed story ? which thank you to anyone who is! I've tried to be as grammatically correct as possible haha
I'm wondering if at this point, I should just tell him that I snooped a year ago. It's causing quite a few trust issues for me in this relationship, and I know it's unhealthy to continue on feeling like I can't trust him around other women.
I'm scared, really. I do love him and had mostly gotten through a lot of my own issues (never communicating problems, never asking for help, and some of my social anxiety, nitpicking) until we had a little spat today and I reverted to my old ways, where I just walk my issue off and don't deal with it head on, or really in any way outside of my own head.
But I'm afraid I will lose him. I'm afraid of what I'll have to do if he breaks up with me. I'm financially stable and lived alone for a year before we got together, but I'm not so financially stable that I could just up and get a new place at the drop of a hat (or in the event of an emotional explosion - which, by the way, is almost as devastating as an h-bomb.)
Is it even a reasonable thing to bring up? Or should I just get the heck over it and move forward? Help!!
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