So.. I just realized (a little wordy rant!)

In 3 weeks is my SILs baby shower... Needless to say I have very very mixed emotions here. I am the godmother of this little one so of course I'm am honored and excited to meet him! And I'm also a crafty SOB (if I do say so myself) so I nominated myself to make the diaper cake (they're fun to make and I love seeing everyone's reactions to them!) but for some reason with this one I can't help feeling... I would say jealous but not exactly?? I can't describe it! When my other SIL had her baby and shower 2 years ago I was psyched! (We hadn't decided to TTC I was ready DH wasn't) so maybe that's the reason I'm feeling so differently about this one? Idk! Just needed to get that off my chest to someone other than my DH!!